


maybe you are dreaming you are in love with me

by saddergaze



Series: i found a love for me [1]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Bad Decisions, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Multi, Pining, just two dumb boys falling in love in Italy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-09 21:49:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 31,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20516981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saddergaze/pseuds/saddergaze
Summary: Matteo realised that he hadn't thought things through. Going to Italy and dealing with his homophobic family was bad enough, but also having David, his best friend and crush of two years, there pretending to be his boyfriend was even worse. He really knew how to make his life unnecessarily difficult.Amira was the only smart friend he had. Why did she let him do this?





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> you know how you spend a lot of time doing something that in the end you just want to show it to someone even if it's garbage? that's me with this fic.  
your nice comments from my other one made me so, incredibly happy that i wanted to try writing more. though, i actually know where i am going with this one haha  
hopefully you will like it? <3 
> 
> also! this fic is inspired from another one, called Dirty Laundry by gibslythe, but it has been deleted, so i can't link it :((  
title is from 'inside your mind' by the 1975
> 
> ALSO i'm not italian, neither have i ever been to Italy, so i'm terribly sorry if i have said/written anything offensive. please tell me if i have!

Matteo was pleasantly buzzed.

Summer vacation was coming up soon, he was almost done with exams and he was actually enjoying himself while at a party. He was on the couch, drinking beer with Carlos and Jonas, while watching Abdi trying to make a move on Sam. David was right beside him, a bit drunk, resting his head on Matteo’s shoulder and holding his hand, with their fingers intertwined. He was whispering something and laughing in his ear, but all Matteo could concentrate was the warmth of his hand. This was good.

He had a feeling he was forgetting something, but whatever. It probably wasn’t that important.

Jonas said something, and they laughed.

Life was good for once.

“I am a fucking idiot”, Matteo repeated for the hundredth time probably. Amira, who was sitting next to him in the library, hummed in agreement.

“How could I forget about this?”, he groaned, resting his head on his palms, “What am I going to do?”

“I didn’t know you and Liam were that serious”, Amira interrupted his whining, “You were together for what? Three months? And you were planning to bring him to Italy?”

“It was more of a ‘do you wanna go on a free trip to Italy to piss off my homophobic family’ than a ‘meeting the parents’ type of thing”, said Matteo, but his reply came out muffled as he was lying on the table, with his arms pillowing his head.

Several months ago Matteo got a call from his cousin’s boyfriend, Stefano, which wasn’t that unusual as they did talk, occasionally. This time, though, when he picked up, he wasn’t greeted with the normal _ey, Teo, what’s up_, but with the high-pitched screaming of his cousin Aurora, that Matteo realised was saying “I’m getting married!”.

The reason his cousin and her, now fiancé, were calling was to invite him to their wedding which would be taking place in June. But, as much as he loved them, and as happy as he was for them, he declined. Even though, he did miss Italy and his cousins, (the only people he still talked to from his dad’s side of the family), he didn’t think he could manage to deal with his whole, homophobic family.

However, they were very persistent and would not accept _no_ for an answer.

_“Teo, please”, pleaded Stefano and he immediately started feeling guilty. _

_“You are going to stay with us in Venice, everyone else will come a day before the wedding, so technically you are going to see them only for two days.”, Aurora repeated for the fifth time probably. He was about to decline again when a child’s voice could be heard from the speaker, and Matteo felt like his heart was being squeezed. They were playing dirty._

_“Zio Matteo”, his niece said on the phone. Matteo couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on his face. _

_“Gattino, how are you?”, he replied warmly and she giggled. Then he heard a familiar voice in the background say, “Give the phone to papa, okay?”_

_Matteo’s face broke into a full-blown grin. _

_“Luca?”_

_“Matteo!”, replied his cousin happily, “It’s good to hear from you!”_

_“Yeah, you too”, he laughed. He hadn’t talked to him in so long, at least a year._

_“Aren’t you coming to the wedding?”, Luca sounded a bit disappointed. _

_“No, I think it would be better if I don’t”, he answered a bit sadly. Fuck. He really did miss them, but he didn’t want to see his father or anyone else from his side of the family._

_“Dude”, Luca whined and Matteo felt the squeezing again. Suddenly, he was eleven years old in Italy and Luca was whining to his mom on the kitchen table for being grounded._

_Matteo was pulled out of his thoughts, when Luca spoke up again, “You have to come! I promise, it’s gonna be just us for the first two days. Zio won’t even be there. He’ll only be at the wedding.”_

_That caught Matteo off guard._

_His cousin had invited him to come to Venice two days before the wedding, so they could catch up. The main problem was that they were staying in his father’s house. Matteo didn’t want to talk to him or even see him for more time than it was necessary. But, he wouldn’t be there? It would be just them? _

_One of the happiest times in his life were with his cousins in his father’s house in Venice. _

_Fuck._

_Now, he really wanted to go._

_“Matteo, please”, his eldest cousin pleaded, “We really miss you.”_

_“I want to come, but”, he desperately tried to think of an excuse._

_“You can bring your boyfriend as your plus one! We want to meet him”_

_Matteo tried to remember when exactly he had told them he has a boyfriend. Whatever. He knew he would eventually cave in._

_“Patatino, please”, Aurora had taken the phone. Matteo smiled at the nickname. “I can’t get married without you there.”_

_They really were playing dirty. But, Matteo thought it was time he stopped running. He was no longer a depressed sixteen year old boy, but a twenty year old, somewhat functioning, adult. He didn’t have to hide anymore. _

_Matteo sighed, defeated. _

_“All right, I’ll come”, he said and his cousins whooped on the phone. He heard Luca talking to his daughter, that _zio Matteo is coming, aren’t you happy?, _while she giggled and he smiled again._

When he told Liam, his ex-boyfriend, about this, he was ecstatic. Liam loved travelling and bothering homophobes. His cousin had sent him the tickets. They were going to Italy in the first week of June.

But that was months ago, when he and Liam were still together. A month ago they had broken up, amicably, of course. Their relationship wasn’t based on deep emotional attachment. It was more out of convenience. Liam wanted to get over his ex-girlfriend and Matteo was also trying to forget someone. It was convenient. Their relationship was more on the physical side, but they did go out on dates once in a while. It was nice, fun and low-maintenance. Just what Matteo wanted.

However, Liam decided he was going back to his ex. They were getting high in Matteo’s dorm room when he broke the news to him. Matteo wasn’t particularly sad, a bit concerned that Liam wanted to go back to his ex, after spending four months trash-talking her. But, whatever. He didn’t really care. They decided to break up, but their plans to go to Italy didn’t cross their minds even once.

Until now, when Matteo realised that he had no boyfriend as a plus one. Earlier this day, before he got out for university, Matteo was rummaging through his desk to search for one specific pen, when he came across the tickets to Italy and the wedding invitation. Matteo could swear his heart stopped when he saw them.

The first solution Matteo had thought of to this small problem was to simply not go. Call Aurora and tell him he couldn’t make it, or just don’t show up at the airport. However, the more Matteo thought about it, the guiltier he felt. She had paid for those tickets. What’s more, he did miss Italy and was actually looking forward to seeing his cousins. The past two years had been hard, because of therapy. But now, Matteo was feeling much better. Plus he had promised Luca he was going and would never hear the end of it if he didn’t show up. He even got a voice message from his niece, Bella, saying how excited she was.

He had to go.

Now, though, Matteo had no idea what to do.

“Why don’t you just go alone?”, asked Amira, without looking away from her tablet, where she was reading up things for biology.

“No way.”

That was out of the question, “I don’t want to deal with them alone”.

That wasn’t the only reason, though. He had come out to this side of his family a year ago as part of his ‘recovery’. Honestly, Matteo didn’t think they deserved to know anything about his life, but he thought that coming out would be easier if he started with people he didn’t give a shit about. So that’s what he did. His cousins were the only people he was worried about, but they were incredibly supportive and happy for him.

His father, though, hadn’t taken it well, neither had the rest of his family. Matteo had been planning on coming out to them for a while, but he couldn’t think of how. There was no way he was going to call them, saying “I’m gay”. One night, when he was high out of his mind, he thought it would be funny to post a Facebook ‘achievement’ stating ‘I realised I am gay’, and that’s what he did. He had spent an hour laughing at how ridiculous it looked on his profile with the small blue star and all, ignoring the messages he was getting from his family. He had closed his laptop and fallen asleep after that, forgetting what he had done. The next morning he realised he had 100+ notifications all from family members.

Some distant relatives were nice about it, commenting shit like ‘you are very brave’, but the other part of the family hadn’t taken in well. Honestly, Matteo found some of the comments quite amusing – ‘I will be praying for you, bless’, ‘keeping you in my thoughts while you go through this difficult time’, ‘is this a joke?’. Of course, there were some nasty messages from his grandmother and his aunt, but the worse was his father. He hadn’t even been angry. He thought it was just a phase, Matteo would grow out of, or that it was just his way of rebelling and all of it would pass when he met the right girl. Matteo hated him for it. But even now, he didn’t believe that Matteo was gay. If he went alone to Italy, he was sure his dad was going to make a comment about it. Or, his family would decide that he was no longer gay and would try to set him up with a girl.

Matteo had spent years hating himself for this. He wasn’t going to let them just ignore his suffering.

“I have,” Matteo checked his phone, “A week and a half to find a new boyfriend to bring to Italy.” He groaned again. How was he so stupid?

“Why don’t you take one of the boys?”, asked Amira, this time she was looking at him. She almost looked sympathetic to his distress.

“They are dead to me”, replied simply Matteo.

_While he was walking to the university building, he sent a couple of panicked texts to the ok.cool group chat. _

_Matteo:_

_(08:45) someone pls be my boyfriend for 4 (four) days_

_(08:45) its about the trip to Italy I was supposed to go on with Liam _

_(08:46) in the beginning of June_

_Jonas:_

_(08:47) sorry, man_

_(08:47) i’ve already got plans with Hannah then_

_Carlos:_

_(08:47) yeah, same_

_(08:47) me and Kiki are going on vacation_

_His last hope was Abdi, but he also wasn’t available._

_ Abdi:_

_(08:55) i’m visiting family, bro :// sorry_

Matteo was looking at Amira, trying to do his best puppy eyes impression.

“Please, let me borrow Mohammed for a couple of days”, he pleaded. She simply raised an eyebrow at him. “Or Essam, or Omar.”

“I’m sorry, habibi”, she actually looked like she pitied him. “But we are going on another wedding then.”

Matteo smirked, his previous worries forgotten for the moment, “Oh, so it’s that serious between you and Mohammed?”

Amira glared at him, “It’s his sister’s wedding.”

Matteo was about to groan and whine again, but Amira spoke up. “I don’t understand you. The solution is right in front of you.”

He looked at her questioningly, but she simply nodded at the person who was making his way towards them.

No. fucking. way.

Walking towards them was a tall, attractive boy, wearing a simple white shirt and black jeans, with a brown jacket draped over his shoulders. David was typing away on his phone. Someone stopped him, just a couple of meters in front of them. It was Alex and they started chatting about something stupid and pretentious, Matteo supposed, _because that’s how David was – stupid and pretentious. _

“No way”, Matteo said.

“Why? He’s single, he knows Italian and I know for sure that he hasn’t got anything planned for the summer.”

“You know exactly why”, Matteo looked back at the boy a few feet away from them. David looked good. He always looked good and it was so unfair.

He officially met David in his first year in university. Both of them were friends with Amira, and one day she had decided that she wanted to bring them together to study. Of course, that day Matteo had learnt absolutely nothing, because he was too busy trying to not get caught staring at David, but who could blame him, really? Since then, they started hanging out more and more, sometimes with Amira or the boys, but mostly just the two of them. Matteo loved how easy it was to be with David, how understood he felt. He knew that at some point he had started having more than friendly intentions towards him but, the problem was that, he just wasn’t ready. Matteo didn’t know how to make himself happy and it wouldn’t be fair to make David deal with the sad mess he was. Not that, David liked him or anything.

So, he forced himself not to act upon his feelings. In result, David became one of the most important people of his life. He had quickly become an irreplaceable part of Matteo’s small friendship group. Matteo was glad David was in his life even if more often than not he had to stop himself from blurting stupid shit like _I really want to kiss you_ or _I am so in love with you, _when David did something small like smile at him. He couldn’t risk losing his best friend over a crush.

Matteo whined again.

“You are pathetic”, Amira said, “You’ve been-”

“Don’t say it”, he glared at her. She simple rolled her eyes.

Matteo ignored her in favour of scowling at David.

As if he felt someone’s eyes on him, David looked towards their table and saw Matteo. He scowled back at him.

“You saw that, right? There is no way this would work with him”, he whined. Amira sighed.

“Stop being a baby. You don’t really have any other options.”

David was finally at their table, putting his bag on it. He did his stupid handshake with Amira and slapped Matteo’s head, which was resting on the table, as a greeting.

“What’s up?”, he said as he sat down. Matteo kicked at his ankles.

Amira looked pointedly at Matteo.

He sighed deeply.

“I need a favour”, he started, but David interrupted him.

“No.”

“You didn’t even-”

“Children”, Amira sounded exhausted, “Behave”.

Matteo tried again. He explained the situation he was in, but David just laughed at him.

“No way”, he said, still laughing. Matteo was glaring at him. Then he pouted at Amira_. See? He’s impossible._

“Why?” Amira asked, “It’s not like you have anything better to do.” Matteo was too smug about the fact that Amira was on his side to notice the silent communication that was happening between her and David through their eyes.

“And, it’s a free trip to Italy”, she added. David looked at her then at Matteo.

A couple of minutes had passed, and he still hadn’t said anything. Amira raised her eyebrows at him, her mouth turning into a frown.

“Okay, but”, he glared at Matteo, “You owe me”.

Matteo got a hold of his hands.

“Thank you!”, he said as he was squeezing them. David just rolled his eyes and pulled out his hands from Matteo’s grasp. Matteo momentarily missed the contact. _Oh god_, he thought, _I really am pathetic._

Amira had a small, satisfied smirk on her face. Matteo noticed that when David looked at her, he mouthed _I hate you_. 

“Dude, I’m not forcing you to do this”, Matteo pouted. Surely, it wasn’t that bad to spend a few days together? David opened his mouth to answer, but he was interrupted.

“Alright!”, Amira said, “Let’s get started”. She opened her books.

Both David and Matteo groaned.

Matteo was sure his cousins had done this on purpose. Ever since he was young Matteo hated waking up early. That’s probably why they had bought him tickets for a flight at ten am. Which according to David meant that they should be at the airport at seven fucking am.

“I hate you”, Matteo said again, just in case he hadn’t made his point clear enough.

“I know”, David replied while taking a sip from his coffee.

The past week was pure shit. Matteo had one more exam, which meant that he didn’t get much sleep. He was practically living in the library. His exam had gone well, though, so that was a win. He was sleep deprived, nervous about the exam, nervous about the trip, nervous being near David for four days. It was easy to say that Matteo wasn’t in a good mood.

He also didn’t have much time to talk to David the past week, since he also had an exam left, which was another reason for his bad mood. David had literally banished him from his room with the words, “_I know you are going to distract me, so until my exam is over, don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, don’t even **breathe** near me”_.

And they say that Matteo was dramatic.

But now, as they were standing in the lane to get their baggage checked-in, he realised they hadn’t discussed how this whole thing would work. He turned towards David, but stopped himself from saying anything. _Ugh. How can he look so good so early in the morning? _David was wearing a simple black and white T-shirt and tight, ripped, black jeans. He was wearing his glasses, which completed his stupid hipster aesthetic. He had dark circles under his eyes, but he still looked _so good. _His cheeks were a bit red. He was biting his lip in concentration as he looked at something on his phone.

“I hate you”, Matteo repeated, as to ground himself a bit. This was a bad idea. Spend the next four days in such close proximity to David? A bad fucking idea. Amira was supposed to be the smart one. Why did she let him do this?

“Are you going to be this annoying the entire time?” David looked at him, tiredly. Matteo didn’t answer, he just took his stupid hydro flask, despite David’s protests, and drank from his coffee.

They had a two hour flight to Venice. When they boarded the plane, Matteo shoved David, so he could walk in front of him and made a beeline to their seats, just so he could sit next to the window.

“You are a child, a literal child”, David sighed while he got comfortable in his seat next to Matteo.

They were about to take off when David spoke up again.

“So, how is this going to work?”, Matteo was about to answer, but David licked his lips and he got a bit distracted, “Matteo?”.

“Uh, we have to think of a story, like, how we met”, he took out his phone to turn it off, just to have something to take his eyes off David’s stupidly pretty face.

“Hmm”, David thought for a bit, “Let’s say we know each other from university, but got introduced at a party”.

“Okay”, agreed Matteo. It wasn’t far from the truth.

“How long have we been together?”, he asked.

“Six months?”, David suggested. Matteo thought it over. It seemed plausible.

“Okay, sure”, Matteo replied. It was David’s turn to ask a question.

“And what… what exactly are we supposed to do?”

“Look like we are madly in love?”, Matteo thought that was obvious.

“No, like,” David’s cheeks were turning pink. “What are our boundaries?”

Oh.

_Oh._

Matteo hadn’t thought about that part.

“I guess”, David added, “We’ll have to kiss, right? It would be weird if we didn’t, since we are supposed to be dating for six months.”

Kissing David?

No.

_No._

Matteo could feel his face heating up just at the thought of having his lips near David’s face. He was ready to get off the plane and forget this ever happened.

The problem was not that Matteo didn’t want to kiss David. He wanted, he really, really wanted. But he and David were just friends. He didn’t want to lose that by making it awkward. If he and David kissed, then David would know about Matteo’s stupid feelings.

And Matteo couldn’t let him know.

Yet, how were they supposed to sell the idea that they were a couple if they don’t kiss at least once?

“Yeah, but we might not have to”, Matteo finally responded, “We’ll just have to be very affectionate, I guess”.

“Like, hugging a lot, holding hands, stuff like that?” David asked. Matteo nodded. David nodded back at him. They kept nodding at each other for a couple of minutes. It was a bit awkward.

Then, David laughed, “All right.” And just like that the awkwardness had disappeared. “You will have to tell me who is who, though.”

Oh, yeah. Matteo had forgotten about this. He had already turned off his phone, so he took David’s, logging into his Instagram. He went to his own profile. The weird thing was that, his profile was on top of David’s search suggestions, but he didn’t think much of it.

_Anyway_.

He opened a post and started explaining who the different people were to David. The picture he had chosen showed a family of four. A tall, blond man had his arm draped over the shoulders of a young woman with jet-black hair, who was holding a baby. With his other hand he was holding a small blond girl. All of them were dressed in black.

“This is Luca and his family. Eleonora, his wife, and Bella, his daughter. She is five years old.”, Matteo pointed at the baby Eleonora was holding, “And that’s his son, Roberto”. David nodded along his explanations. He looked concentrated.

He opened another post. There were two people on it grinning at the camera – a girl with short, bright red hair and a guy with thick-framed glasses and blond hair.

“This is Aurora and her fiancé, Stefano. We are going at their wedding”, he turned to look at David. “Luca and Aurora are older than us.”

“That’s all?”, he asked, pulling away a bit to look into Matteo’s eyes.

“Uh”, Matteo straightened up in his seat, “And the rest of my family, but we’ll see them only for two days, so.”

“Okay”, David said. It got quiet between them. He then took out his laptop, turning it on. He plugged his headphones in, giving one to Matteo, “Wanna watch a movie?”

It was weird to be in Venice with David and Matteo couldn’t explain why, though. It was just that his chest started tightening at the sight of David looking around in awe with the Venice scenery behind him. They had arrived around noon. It was a nice day, warm and sunny. David’s skin looked golden in the sunlight and his smile seemed brighter and bigger. He was taking a lot of pictures while they rode the water taxi to his dad’s house, the smile never leaving his face.

_So stupid_, Matteo thought.

“You look like a tourist.”

“I am a tourist”, David rolled his eyes. This time his camera was directly pointed at Matteo’s face and he snapped a picture. Matteo’s face had a scowl.

“Why?”, he asked.

“To show your stupid face to Amira”, simply replied David.

David was distracting enough for Matteo to forget about his initial nervousness. But as they stood in front of his father’s house, it all got back to him. It suddenly became too real.

He really was about to spend four days with his crush that pretending to be his boyfriend. Matteo really knew how to make his life unnecessarily difficult. He tried to take a deep breath.

Why didn’t Amira tell him how stupid this idea was? He would expect it from Carlos and Abdi to propose such thing, but Amira? Surely, she knew that this would end badly.

“Matteo”.

And why did David said yes? Who would want to spent time in a homophobic household just for fun? David had moved out just so he didn’t have to deal with this, and now Matteo was forcing him to do this.

“Matteo”.

Fuck.

“Matteo! Look at me.” He realised that David was right in front of him, cupping his face. “Breathe”, he said softly, keeping Matteo close to him. Matteo took a deep breath in sync with David.

Then, the boy in front of him, asked, “What’s wrong?”

Matteo looked into his eyes, “You are okay with this, right?”, he needed to make sure.

David pulled away from him, but he was still close. He took Matteo’s hands in his, “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t, would I?”

“Yeah, but”, Matteo squeezed his hands, “My family-”

“I know”, David interrupted him with a smile, “That’s what makes it fun.”

Matteo offered a small smile in return. Right. David never did anything he didn’t want to do. And it was just for four days. He was about to say something more, when they were interrupted by a small blond child, dressed in green overalls, running to Matteo and hugging his leg.

“Bella”, he said happily as he dropped his bags to pick up the small girl. She screamed and laughed when Matteo spun around with her in his arms, “Bella”, he turned to David, “say hi to David”. But she hid her face in Matteo’s hair. He laughed at her and then he looked back at his, _uh, ‘boyfriend’_, but David was staring at him weirdly. He had a faint blush on his cheeks. Matteo wanted to ask what was wrong, when they were interrupted once again.

“Matteo!” yelled his cousin Aurora, as she ran to him. He let go of Bella and hugged his cousin back. “Look at you!”, she exclaimed and hugged him again, tighter this time. Stefano was now right beside Aurora. Luca and his family were close behind.

“Hey”, he said to all of them. He was a bit overwhelmed. But David took his hand and squeezed it, grounding him.

The attention shifted to the boy next to him. Luca and Aurora smirked. Matteo blushed, as he introduced David.

“This is David”, he said, tightening his hold on David’s hand, “my, uh, boyfriend”. Matteo cursed himself for stuttering, but nobody took notice of that. They all started talking to David, shouting over each other.

David, to his credit, didn’t look nervous at all. He had small difficulties in replying to them, talking a bit slower and exchanging the Italian words he didn’t know for their English equivalents. He had a really cute accent, and with the small blush from all the attention on his cheeks, it all made Matteo’s heartbeat speed up.

“All right, all right!” Eleonora said over all of them and it got quiet. _It must be a mom thing_, Matteo thought, _to be able to make everyone shut up with ease. _“Let’s go inside, they must be tired from their flight”, she said as she started walking towards the house with a small smile on her face. Aurora and Luca smirked, pulling David between them as they walked, leaving Matteo with Stefano.

He draped his arm around Matteo’s shoulder, bringing him closer to ruffle his hair. Matteo laughed. He felt warm.

“You guys are taking the kid’s room”, announced Aurora, leading them to one of the rooms on the second floor.

“Whose room?”, Matteo asked as he looked around the house. It hadn’t changed much since the last time he was here.

“Martina’s kid, your, uh, step-brother”, Aurora looked a bit uncomfortable saying it. Matteo didn’t really care, though. He knew his father had a new family now. The woman he had married had a son a little younger than Matteo, he had seen pictures. At first, he was angry, so angry he almost broke his phone, but now… he didn’t care.

However, it was a bit strange. This was his room when they came to Italy during the summers, before the divorce. He looked around the different posters, the messy desk and the bed.

The single bed in the middle of the room.

He was about to ask about it, but he realised that it would be weird. It was normal for couples to sleep in the same bed, that’s what people in relationships do. But, still.

“I don’t think both of us will fit in there”, he looked at his cousin, but she just shrugged.

“You will think of something”.

David went over the bed and then looked uncertainly towards Matteo.

“Okay, put down your stuff and let’s eat”, Aurora said as she started walking, “I’m starving”, she whined. Stefano was behind her and she shrieked as he picked her up. God. Matteo had forgotten how loud they were.

Matteo went to stand next to David, who turned to him, their faces close to each other. He spoke, this time in German.

“Your family seems nice”.

They finally made their way towards the table. When David sat down, Eleonora came next to him with Bella in tow, putting her hand on his shoulder and leaning towards him, “Bella said she wanted to sit next to you”.

David was overjoyed, “Of course.” He helped the small girl sit on the chair next to him.

“Hi, Bella”, he smiled. She shyly looked up to him and returned his smile.

Matteo had to tear his eyes away from them. David’s smile was so bright it was making him feel weird and gross.

And he was so sweet to his little niece. Bella was whispering something to his ear and David looked very concentrated, as if she was spilling the world’s secrets to him. He then nodded seriously at her and both of them burst into giggles. 

_Ugh, no. _This was too much for Matteo’s heart.

Lunch had been okay, despite it being very loud. Everyone was talking more than eating. Both Matteo and David were grilled for information about their relationship, by Aurora and Eleonora.

But David was doing great, really. He answered their questions with ease and confidence. Matteo tensed a bit when Aurora asked about his parents, but David had answered with a simple _I don’t talk to them anymore_ and they left it at that.

“How do you know Italian, David?” asked him Stefano. David swallowed the food he was chewing.

“My sister dated an Italian girl for three years”, he replied, “She taught me.”

“How did you start dating?”, Eleonora asked.

Fuck. They hadn’t talked about that.

Matteo was trying to think of something, but David spoke again.

“Uh, I left him a note, in one of his textbooks, asking him out on a date. Thankfully, he said yes.” David chuckled and Matteo tried not to cringe at how fake it sounded. But his cousins seemed to buy it, so they were good.

After the lunch everyone got up to clean the table, of course Matteo didn’t do that. He let himself be dragged by Bella to the living room where she insisted they had to play. He looked around for David but he couldn’t find him. Whatever, he could deal with his family.

“Zio Matteo”, his niece was so cute. She was pushing a doll towards him.

“Okay, okay, I got it”, he chuckled.

After a while Aurora came into the living room. Matteo and Bella were sitting on the floor, pretending to have a tea party.

“Your boyfriend is doing the dishes”, she put a hand over her heart, “I’m swooning”.

“Make him stop, Matteo”, Stefano groaned behind her, “he’s making us look bad”.

Matteo was still stuck on the world boyfriend. Right. It was weird when someone else said it. Did they really look like boyfriends? He should stop blushing. They were boyfriends. Okay, cool.

David came into the room talking to Luca and Eleonora. They laughed and Matteo felt his heart grow three times.

It was weird how easily David had fit into their family. Aurora was relentless with her teasing, but David took it well, and even teased her back. He, Stefano and Luca seemed to share the same weird sense of humour, and because David was an artist he got along very well with Eleonora. Roberto didn’t stop reaching to him during the dinner, and even Bella seemed to like him. For two hours David was accepted as one of them. It made Matteo feel all mushy inside. _If only this was real_.

He quickly dismissed that thought.

“Okay! Cousins’ time!”, Aurora pulled Matteo from his place on the floor. All of the toys Bella had piled up on his lap had fallen. She signalled to Luca to come over to them.

Matteo saw Roberto reaching for David from his mother’s arms. Matteo’s heart ached at how carefully David picked him up, but then leaned back a little so the small boy couldn’t tug on his nose ring. David was laughing while murmuring at the baby.

“Anyway!”, Luca drew his attention by clapping. “Let’s go”, he reached for Eleonora, while Matteo tried to catch David’s elbow, but Aurora stopped them.

“No, no wives, fiancés or boyfriends!”, she was pulling both of them towards the door. “Don’t wait for us for dinner!”

Matteo threw one last look at David, feeling a bit guilty for leaving him alone. David was holding Roberto’s hand and gently shook it, as to create the illusion that the baby was waving at them.

“Say, ciao!”, he said sweetly, and Matteo wanted to die. This was too much for his heart to handle.

They walked round for a while, just catching up with each other. Matteo felt like he was ten years old again, feeling cool for hanging out with his older cousins. Aurora and Luca teased him a bit about David, but mostly they asked about his own life, about university, how his high school experience was, if he was doing any better now. It was nice. He had missed talking to them.

Matteo was surprised to see that the restaurant they would usually go to was still open. They took their food to-go and walked around aimlessly through the San Marco square, while eating. Matteo had so many memories. He felt a bit sad, because the last time he was here his mother was with him. It had been a year before the divorce, before everything had gone to shit. If only Matteo knew then what would have happened. He would have probably cherished it more.

They also bought some gelato as a dessert and sat on a bench, eating quietly. Aurora was trying to steal some from Luca’s, but in the end both of them gave their share to Matteo. He loved being the youngest and the most spoilt one.

“You and David are cute”, Aurora pulled him out of his thoughts, “You make me feel young. I want to be twenty again”, she pouted.

“Calm down, you are only twenty three”, Luca shook his head, “How am I supposed to feel?”

“Why are both of you talking like you are almost on your deathbed?”, Matteo laughed.

“But, no, really, I think you guys are sweet. But, you aren’t very affectionate, are you?”

Matteo got a bit nervous. Were they not convincing enough? They had to be careful. He just shrugged in response.

“I remember when Luca brought his first girlfriend, he was all over her”, she said and Luca smiled.

“Good times.”

“Not really”, objected both Matteo and Aurora when they remembered how annoying Luca and that girl were. 

“You remind me of me and Stefano at the beginning of our relationship”, continued Aurora with a small smile on her face.

“How come your wedding was organised so quickly?”, Matteo asked. He really wanted to change the subject, “It took Luca and Nora two years for their wedding”. Aurora sighed.

“We didn’t really do anything. Mama had everything planned.”

“Can you blame her, though? You’ve been together since you were fifteen. She has been waiting for eight years”, Luca pinched her arm and she slapped him in retaliation. 

“I didn’t think you would actually get married”, interjected Matteo. She smiled.

“Yeah, me neither. It wasn’t something we would do.” She rested her chin on her palms. She had a fond look in her eyes, “But, here we are.”

“How did he actually propose? You never told us”, asked Luca and Matteo realised it was true.

Aurora laughed, “It’s such a stupid story. You have to keep it a secret”, she tried to glare at them, but her smile was making it difficult.

“We were lying in bed, a bit drunk, talking about going on a vacation. We wanted to go to Paris or something like that, but we wanted to go all out. Five star hotels and shit like that, you know? We realised our savings wouldn’t be enough. That bummed us out a lot. We started talking about how we could save up more, when Stefano suddenly said, ‘we should get married for tax-benefits’. That surprised me so much! But I said, ‘okay, sure’ and we got back to talking like nothing happened. The next day, he came come with a rose and his grandmother’s engagement.” She giggled, “Oh, man. It’s so stupid, but I can’t imagine it happening any other way”. She was looking at the ring on her left finger, fondly.

“That’s so like you two”, shook his head Luca. “I had planned a grand proposal for El, with dinner and fireworks, but she had found the ring before I had the chance to take her out. She pretended to be surprised when I did it, but after that she told me she knew. I wasn’t sad, though. I just thought, _but of course_.” Both of them were laughing now.

Matteo smiled. He was feeling warm, but a bit sad, too. He realised he also wanted something like this. He actually wanted to be in a relationship, a real one. Matteo was tired of being with someone just to not be alone. He wanted to be with someone who would make him want to get married. He wanted to lie in bed with someone he loved and talk about something as mundane as _taxes _and make it seem romantic. Mostly, he wanted one person in particular to do that with. He was tired of all the pining, of wanting someone he couldn’t have.

“Hopefully, your proposal would go smoother”, teased him Aurora. Matteo blushed and stuttered, while he tried to explain that he has no intentions of getting married in the near future. But his cousins ignored him.

“Matteo, you have to take these things seriously! David would make a good husband. I know, because I, myself, am a good husband”, Luca winked at him. Matteo blushed even more.

“Stop it”, he mumbled, but then, he decided to play along.

“How do you even know when is the right time to propose?”

Both Aurora and Luca smiled.

“You just do”, he replied.

After a couple of minutes Luca added, “Just like you know when you’ve fallen in love. When did you realise that you love David?” 

Matteo thought for a bit. He thought back to the first time he saw David.

_He was walking past him to get to the lecture hall. Their eyes had met and they probably had been looking at each other for less than minute, but for Matteo it had felt like an eternity. And after that, no matter how many people he met or how many boys he kissed, he couldn’t stop thinking about two brown eyes, desperate to see them again. _

Two years of repressed feelings were making their way out of his heart, trying to get out of his mouth. _What the hell?_ He looked down at the ground, because he couldn’t say this without blushing.

He took a deep breath.

“The first time I saw him.”

_Huh_. That was probably the first truthful thing he has said about his relationship with David since they arrived in Italy. 

When they finally got home it was nearly midnight. It was dark in the house, except in the living room, where the light hadn’t been turned off, yet. Aurora went in first in the house, going straight for the stairs. But when she peeked into the living room, she turned back to look at Matteo with her hand over her heart, mouthing “Precious” to him.

He went into the living room and his heart stopped when he saw what Aurora was talking about. David was lying on the couch, sleeping. He had changed into a simple T-shirt and sweatpants. Next to him, using his arm as a pillow was Bella. On his chest, Roberto was sleeping peacefully, with David’s other hand wrapped around him protectively.

Matteo didn’t think. He took out his phone and snapped a picture.

“Aw”, exclaimed Eleonora and Luca next to him. He rolled his eyes.

“David is really good with kids”, observed Eleonora, “I couldn’t make them leave him even for a minute. They insisted on waiting for you guys.”

Matteo smiled. He looked down at his phone to look at the picture he had taken.

“Are you going to use it for florenzi friday?”, asked smugly behind him Luca.

“No!”, protested quickly Matteo, “Why would I do that?”

“Because you usually post pictures of him?”

“I don’t?”

“You do?”

“Boys”, Eleonora scolded, “you are going to wake them up!”

“Sorry”, whispered both of them.

“Anyway”, she was getting closer to the couch, “I think it’s cute. Though, David’s drawings are way more romantic than your Instagram posts.”

Wait.

What?

“Drawings?”, Matteo asked a bit more loudly than he intended.

“Yeah, we saw his sketchbook.”

Matteo was even more confused.

“You never told us David is so talented!”, she said. “It’s nice to be young and in love, isn’t it?”, she asked Luca, who was trying to pick up Bella without waking her up.

“Yeah”, he whispered when he finally managed to get her. The small girl clung to his neck. Eleonora gently picked up Roberto from David’s chest.

“We will leave you now”, she said with a smile. She started walking towards the stairs. Luca followed her. When he passed Matteo, he bumped his shoulder into Matteo’s and wished him a good night.

Matteo was left alone. He sat next to David’s legs. He needed to think. He took his phone again and went to his Instagram feed.

Oh.

He really did post a lot of pictures of him. It’s true that besides the occasional meme, he liked to have pictures of his friends, but he didn’t realise that most of his photos were with David. Matteo’s chest started tightening. Fuck. Amira was right, he really was obvious.

But another thing was bothering him. David drew him? When? How come Matteo never saw those drawings?

He needed to make sure. He looked around for David’s sketchbook. He spotted it on the floor, next to the couch. He was about to reach out for it, but he realised David was watching him.

Matteo was startled.

“Sorry”, he whispered, “Did I wake you up?”

David didn’t answer. He was looking intensely at Matteo’s face. 

Finally, he spoke up, “Do you know what I just realised?”

_That you are actually madly in love with me? That you also want me?, _he thought miserably. _If only. _Maybe Matteo was still feeling a bit upset from the conversation he had with his cousins. It was all too overwhelming.

“What?”, he asked.

David looked thoughtful for a few more minutes. Then, he answered.

“You look like Snufkin”.

Matteo shoved him off the couch.

“Ouch, what the fuck?” complained from the floor David. Matteo just stick up his middle finger and got up, walking towards the stairs.

David shoved him when they were at the door, so he could enter first. Matteo tried to trip him, while David walked in front of him.

“Fuck you”, whispered David with a smile.

They got into a small argument about who would go first to the bathroom, which was settled by a quick paper-rock-scissors game, won by Matteo. The bathroom was spacious enough for the two of them to brush their teeth together, but Matteo needed to be alone for a bit.

_This is fine. _Their first day wasn’t bad. He had fun actually. He should ask David if everything was good with him, too.

Matteo quickly brushed his teeth and went out. David was right in front of him.

“What took you so long?”, he asked as he moved pass Matteo to get in. Matteo just rolled his eyes.

Another problem was the bed situation. How the hell are they supposed to fit in it? It’s not like they have never shared a bed. Too many times Matteo had refused to go back to his room, crashing in David’s instead. They were used to this. _It was fine. _

He got into the bed, contemplating if he wanted the blanket that was resting on the foot of it. It was warm enough, but he tugged it over his body, just in case. David came back into the room. To Matteo’s horror, he took off his shirt before he got into the bed, right next to him.

“What the fuck are you doing?”, he hissed. David looked at him, puzzled.

“Getting ready for bed?” he replied, innocently. Both of them were lying on their backs, with zero space between them, their sides pressed against each other.

Matteo turned so he could put some distance between them. How was he supposed to sleep now, when there was a half-naked, attractive boy lying next to him?

“Good night”, David whispered. Matteo cursed every decision he had made that got him to this point of his life. _Why,_ he thought, _why me?_

Matteo kept firmly to his side of the bed, though it wasn’t that far from David’s body anyway. He had covered himself with the blanket and was literally boiling under it, but it was better than risking touching David. The blanket was a barrier, protecting his sanity. Every time David moved in his sleep, Matteo tensed. He had gotten closer and Matteo didn’t know if he wanted to shove him or pull him even closer. _This is Hell._

At some point thought, he had fallen asleep.

He woke up a bit disoriented, but he quickly realised what was happening. First, he was in Italy, with David pretending to be his boyfriend. Second, he was currently spooning with his so-called _boyfriend_.

During the night, the blanket had been discarded. Somehow David’s head had made its way under his chin, and his hands were wrapped around his waist. Matteo’s hand was under David’s neck and the other one was draped on his shoulders. Their legs were intertwined.

Matteo’s first instinct was to panic. _No, no, no, no_. This was too much. He felt his face getting warmed. He had to push him away, without waking him up.

But then, David shifted, so he was even closer. Matteo could feel his warm breath on his neck.

He realised that… this was actually nice. It reminded him of how they would sleep just like this when Matteo wasn’t feeling well, before he had begun therapy. David had practically moved in the WG and made sure to take care of him, while he was at his lowest.

Despite the ache in his arm, Matteo wanted to stay like this forever, with David close to him, his warmth surrounding him. He felt comfortable and _safe_. He had missed doing this with David.

But, this was temporary. Matteo knew this would be over when they woke up. So, he closed his eyes again, tightening his arms around David, and tried to fall asleep, just to prolong this moment a bit more. 


	2. two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you soooooooo much for the lovely comments! Hopefully, you will like this chapter! I want to apologise in advance if some parts don't make sense 
> 
> thank you again <3 <3 
> 
> just a heads up, matteo's aunt says some homophobic things in the first few paragraphs, so if it makes you uncomfortable, you can skip from "He couldn’t believe that the woman, who used to carry him on her shoulders, who would treat him as if he was her own son, had said such vile things to him. " to "Suddenly, David started pulling him towards the door, unnoticed by his family that was arguing."

Matteo was woken up by David pinching his nose, stopping him from breathing. He slapped David’s hand away, while mumbling, “You fucking asshole”, and turning to his other side, away from him.

He didn’t even know in what language he was speaking. In fact, he didn’t want to speak at all, he wanted to _sleep._

David wouldn’t leave him alone, though. He was sitting on the bed, leaning on Matteo with the upper, _naked_ part of his body, so he could get closer to his ear.

“Wake up, asshole”, he said, louder than it was necessary. However, his tone was sweet. To anyone that didn’t speak German it would have sounded as if David was whispering sweetly _good morning_ into his ear.

“Fuck off”, Matteo reached for the blanket, so he could pull it over his head. Unfortunately, David yanked it away from his grasp.

Matteo sighed dramatically.

“Get up, get up”, David said as he was pulling him from the bed by his hands.

Matteo had sat up with David standing in front of him, still holding his hands.

“I fucking hate you”, he mumbled. David just smiled.

“Why are you so grumpy?”

_‘Why’ he has the audacity to ask_.

“Couldn’t sleep because of you”, Matteo grumbled.

“Ah, sorry, I know I move a lot in my sleep”, he actually looked apologetic.

_That’s not it_, Matteo thought miserably. He finally opened his eyes and looked at David. His heart stopped.

David was still shirtless, he had a wild bedhead and his cheeks were a bit red. _I’m probably still dreaming. _David tightened the grip on Matteo’s wrist, trying to make him stand up.

“I think someone came over”, said David as he pulled him. Both of them were standing up now, facing each other. Their faces were inches apart. If Matteo leant a bit-

Wait.

“Someone came over?”, he asked. His voice was still a bit raspy.

“I heard the doorbell and then Aurora greeting someone”, explained David. His hands were no longer holding his wrists, but had slipped down, to intertwine their fingers. Matteo was trying to figure out who that person could be, but he couldn’t concentrate. Sometimes Matteo thought that David knew about his feelings. That he knew how much Matteo was willing to do for him, how affected he was just by being close to him. And that was why David did shit like this on purpose. Staying close to Matteo, touching him a lot, hugging him, holding his hands. It wasn’t fair. He had just woken up and David was right _here, _looking too good_. _Maybe it was because he was still a bit sleepy which lowered his inhibitions, but his gaze dropped to his lips. David just tilted his head, one eyebrow raised.

A cough from the door made them jump apart.

“Sorry, I knocked, but”, Aurora said while smirking, “I though you guys were still sleeping.”

“Uhm, no, uh, it’s fine”, Matteo hated how his voice cracked. He saw David scrambling to put on a shirt. He grabbed the one Matteo wore yesterday.

“Well, then”, Aurora obviously wanted to tease them, but said nothing. She started looking a bit nervous.

“Mama is here”, she said and Matteo instantly felt colder. 

“Teo”, Stefano was also in the room now. “We are sorry, we didn’t know she would be coming today.”

“No, it’s fine”, he took a deep breath. David was now next to him, looking worried. Aurora and Stefano also looked concerned. He hated how because of him there was so much tension in their family.

“We will come down in a minute”, said David. The couple left them after they closed the door.

David stood in front of him again, patiently waiting for Matteo to say something.

“You know how I told you I got yelled at when I came out?”, David nodded, “My aunt was the person who did it.”

Matteo’s father was the middle child with two sisters. His younger sister, Ludovica, didn’t really like Matteo and his mom. She had always been against the relationship between his mother and father. So, he never really felt close to her. On the other hand, he adored his father’s older sister, Luca’s and Aurora’s mom - Benedetta. She was the one that started the whole _patatino_ thing with his cousins. She was the one to teach Matteo how to cook. She inspired his love for Maths. During the summer when he was just four years old, he would spend the afternoons with her, watching dumb soap operas, instead of sleeping. Benedetta was a short, temperamental woman. She was loud, energetic and always had her way. Sometimes Matteo forgot that she was actually an adult and not one of his friends. He loved her a lot. She would always cry at the airport when they came to send him off. She would hug him tightly and make him promise to come again. After the divorce, she was the first person to check up on him. She was the one who sent him money when his father was late and Matteo couldn’t pay rent. She had always, always looked after him.

The day after Matteo came out to his family, he got a call from his aunt. He couldn’t even greet her, as she immediately started yelling at him when he picked up.

_“What the fuck, Matteo?”_, she yelled. He knew she was being serious, because she never called him by his actual name, it was always either _patatino_ or _topolino_. His cousins hated it when she used those nicknames, deeming them embarrassing, but Matteo loved it.

He didn’t remember what exactly she said. But, he remembers how he cried for hours in Hans’ arms after she had hung up. Even after that he had still been sobbing for days. He remembers how every word felt like a stab in his heart. He couldn’t believe that the woman, who used to carry him on her shoulders, who would treat him as if he was her own son, had said such vile things to him. 

“_You are no longer part of our family_”, he remembers her saying, “_You are nothing to me_.”

How could she just stop loving him? And for what? For finally accepting and just being himself?

Somehow, Matteo gathered the courage to go down for breakfast, with David holding tightly his hand. When he saw his aunt, she looked crushed. Her mouth was pressed in a thin line, but her eyes were sad. For a second, while she was looking at him, he could feel warmth radiating from her. As if she was about to hug him and all would have been forgotten. But then, she looked at David and at their intertwined hands and frowned. She sat on the kitchen table without saying anything to him. Matteo felt a familiar heaviness settling on his chest. It was getting hard to breathe. Fuck, he needed to smoke.

Luca had put a comforting arm on his shoulder and Eleonora had kissed the top of his head.

“Everything okay?”, David asked, while squeezing his hand. Matteo just nodded.

David pulled him in the hallway, where they couldn’t be seen from the kitchen table. He cupped Matteo’s face, forcing him to look up.

“It’s going to be okay”, he whispered. David had always had a calming effect on Matteo. That’s why he had come with Matteo for his first appointment and why he would always come over before important exams, and why he was really the best person to do this with. Maybe Amira had a point. David could always distract Matteo, could always make him feel better no matter how shitty he felt. Even before he had started therapy, when he was isolating himself, David’s constant text messages were always welcome, even if sometimes they annoyed him. Matteo was really glad to have David in his life, even if sometimes he felt what they had was not enough for him.

Breakfast was incredibly tense. The chatter and laughter from yesterday’s lunch had disappeared. Only Bella kept on talking, with either Luca or Eleonora answering her. Aurora wouldn’t stop glancing at him, a worried expression on her face. It was extremely uncomfortable. Matteo wanted to leave. 

However, one by one, his family members had left the table to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen from the morning cooking. David also left, in order to help. So, in the end it was just him and his aunt.

Some years ago, they were in the same situation. He must have been 11 years old. He couldn’t remember why, but they were the only ones sitting on the table. His aunt was smiling at him, asking him if he wanted to go on an adventure, just the two of them. Of course, he said yes. And she had taken him to the beach where they spent the whole day. When they were coming back home, his aunt’s bag was full to the brim with seashells, and because neither of them had brought swimsuits, their clothes were drenched. Matteo had also gotten sunburnt and a bit sick from all the ice cream. But, he was happy, so, so happy. It was one of the best days of his summer, of his life, really. Matteo didn’t think he had ever felt so much happiness in his life. Often, when he couldn’t sleep, or just couldn’t calm down, he would think back to that day, looking at the pictures his aunt had made.

That was nine years ago, though.

“What are you trying to prove, Matteo?” his aunt asked him. He was so surprised she was even talking to him, that he didn’t think much of the question. He looked at her. She looked older now, only a hint of the joyous woman he had grown up with was left on her. Half of her hair was grey, she had deep winkles on her forehead and bags under her eyes, her mouth was turned into a frown. She was gripping a cup of coffee in her hands.

“What you are doing is wrong”, she continued, “it’s unnatural. I don’t understand why you are doing this to us”, she was relentless. Her words were cold, her eyes unkind.

Matteo hadn’t said anything. He didn’t think he could have even if he knew what he should say.

“I understand you are angry, but this isn’t the way”, Matteo couldn’t bear to look at her. He didn’t want to ruin his image of aunt Benedetta, the person he used to love almost as much as his own mother.

“But, you can fix it”, she had reached out to him, resting her hand on the table between them. He just looked at it.

“Every disease has a cure”, her voice was softer now, but the words were still cold. _Fuck you_, he thought.

Matteo knew that not everyone would be accepting of him, but it still fucking sucked. Even if his family wasn’t overly religious, they were still very conservative. But, he preferred it when they ignored him, rather than spewing all this bullshit. He didn’t feel sad, just angry.

Why the people he loved changed his family perception of him? They had nothing to do with it, it was none of their fucking business, and _yet._ For fuck’s sake, the world had bigger problems than the fact that Matteo liked to go to bed with boys. He liked boys, so fucking _what_? What was the big fucking deal? Matteo had spent nearly all his life, trying to follow their rules, being miserable and hating himself and for what?

He was glad actually, that he was having this talk with his aunt, despite how painful it was. It was closure. This was no longer the person from his memories, but just a stranger to whom he was related by blood.

Matteo was done. His therapist was probably going to be proud of him how well he took whatever his aunt had said. Two years ago it would probably have crushed him, but now, he just felt indifferent towards her. He was ready to leave, he had nothing to say to her, and he wished she would stop talking, but _no_.

“We want to help you”, she took a leaflet out of her bag, pushing it towards him.

_Oh my god. _

It was probably going to be insensitive if he laughed, so he tried his best not to. Matteo realised that his aunt was serious, which made it even funnier for him. He put a hand over his mouth, trying to hide his smile. Honestly, there was nothing funny about this situation. But, it was ridiculous. A conversion therapy in the twenty first century? Matteo didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry.

“Matteo, are you even happy now?”, she asked, her voice was filled with sadness. He bit his cheek, the pain grounding him a bit, so he didn’t laugh in her face.

“Yes, actually”, he said when he felt he had calmed down, “I am much happier these days”. She shook her head as if she had heard the most devastating news in her life.

“No, you are-” a snort from behind him interrupted her. David was now standing next to him, looking at the leaflet, biting his lip. He took the leaflet in his hands, as to read it more carefully, while trying too hard not to laugh.

_You don’t have to be gay, _was written in big, bold letters in the centre of the small piece of paper. The background was soft pink. Matteo could see that there was another thing written under it. The only thing he could make out was: _don’t be afraid to explore your heterosexual potential._

He returned the small piece of paper on the table, placing it closer to his aunt. His hand was resting on Matteo’s shoulder. David looked at him and nodded, pretending to be very interested and serious. He patted Matteo’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to be gay”, he said. David was speaking in German, “You should explore your heterosexual potential”, he had barely finished his sentence before he started laughing. Matteo couldn’t hold back anymore, he rested his head on his arms, as to hide his face when he started laughing.

David cleared his throat, trying to collect himself, but he saw the leaflet and started laughing again. And because of him, Matteo couldn’t stop laughing either.

“Well, then”, his aunt said, a bit louder than it was necessary. She looked at Matteo, disgust written on her face.

“We can’t help you, if you don’t want to help yourself”, she took back the stupid fucking leaflet, putting it in her bag.

“And, because you”, she glared at him and David, “refuse to change your lifestyle, I will have to ask you not to come to Aurora’s wedding”.

That, made him stop. His eyes widened. Matteo was just about to protest, when Aurora started yelling.

“What do you think you are doing?”, and after that it was chaos.

Aurora and her mother wouldn’t stop screaming at each other, then Luca and Stefano joined in. There were a lot of hand gestures and swear words, and he thought he could hear Roberto crying. Matteo was touched, when Stefano yelled “Matteo and David are my guests”, at the same time Aurora shouted “I’m not getting married if they aren’t there”, but this was too much. He always hated it when people shouted, it reminded him too much of his family, of the year of the divorce when his only escape was to smoke and drink, just so he can pretend he couldn’t hear his parents yelling and throwing things in the house.

It was getting hard to breathe. _His father shouting at his mother, who was crying and screaming._

His heart was beating faster, he couldn’t-

Suddenly, David started pulling him towards the door, unnoticed by his family that was arguing.

“Let’s go”, he said.

“Where?”

“On an adventure”.

They quickly made their way outside, stopping only by the couch so David could take his camera and their jackets. David had literally dragged him out of the house, not stopping to even put on their shoes. He just took them, while pushing Matteo.

Once they were a few meters out of the house, Matteo felt like he could calm down. They stopped at the steps of a random building, sitting on them to put on their shoes. They didn’t get up, though. They just stayed there, while Matteo was taking deep breaths. This was a lot.

“Still think they are nice?”, he asked and David huffed out a laugh.

“Yeah”.

It got quiet after that. Matteo was dying for a smoke. He didn’t actually smoke cigarettes that often, but after all this he thought he deserved one.

“I think I need a cigarette”, he said to David, as he saw two girls near them, smoking and laughing, standing close to each other. David got up and started walking towards them. When they saw him, both of them blushed.

Matteo couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he could tell they were absolutely charmed by David. They giggled a lot, twirling their hair between their fingers, the blush never leaving their cheeks. They kept touching him, too, putting their hands on his biceps, trying to pull him to walk with them. After a couple of seconds, after David had smirked and tilted his head in the way Matteo loved, one of the girls gave two cigarettes to him. He put one behind his ear and another one in his mouth, leaning towards the other girl, so she could lit it up. She was so red, barely looking at him and Matteo felt sympathetic towards her. _Yeah, I know. _David started walking towards him after thanking them, with the cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and _oh god_.

Sometimes Matteo forgot how hot David was. It was more of a coping mechanism, really. Sure, he was reminded on daily basis how cute, how beautiful and all those things he was, but there were times like this when he was hit with the full attractiveness of David Schreibner, with the charming head tilts, smirks, dark eyes-

“Here you go”, David had blown the smoke in his face and then gave him the cigarette stick. Matteo blushed as he thought how it had been between David’s lips just a few moments ago, and _oh my god_ he really needed to get a grip.

“Thanks”, Matteo hated how his voice cracked as if he was still a fourteen year old boy. He did calm down a bit, though.

“What did you even say to them?”, he asked, just because he didn’t want it to be silent between them anymore.

“Oh, you know, I was just”, David chuckled, “exploring my ‘heterosexual potential’”.

Matteo laughed. The conversation had left a sour taste in his mouth, but yeah, the stupid leaflet was fucking hilarious. He was still a bit angry, though. He knew that David was also angry, because of what had happened. Matteo poked his cheek, just so he would stop clenching his jaw. David looked at him, but Matteo just shrugged. He had finished his cigarette, reaching for the one behind David’s ear to put it behind his own.

“Your father is coming tomorrow, right?”, David asked as he turned towards him, leaning on the railing. Matteo nodded. He was already tired from the argument that would inevitably happen tomorrow.

“My aunt is also probably going to be there”. David thought for a few minutes, then he smirked.

“We’ll have to do our best to make them uncomfortable, then”.

Matteo tried his best not to blush. David realised what he was implying, right? Like, it’s not Matteo imagining things, he really just said that. Before Matteo could really say anything, David had gotten up.

“Let’s go, I wanna explore Venice.”

One of the benefits of living in a house in the heart of Venice is that all the cool places were just a fifteen minute walk away. Matteo had spent a lot of time walking through these streets so he knew every shortcut and how to get around. David was walking a few paces behind him, a bit confused.

The place he wanted to take David to was one of the most popular tourist attractions, but he had a feeling that he would like it. At least, he hoped so.

They hadn’t said anything during their walk. Only when they had to cross a small bridge did David ask where they were going, as he realised they weren’t just aimlessly walking around.

“We’re almost there”, replied Matteo. They had to make their way in some very narrow and crowded streets. It got a bit hard to stay together, so David had slipped his hand into Matteo’s, only letting go when they stopped at their destination. He tried not to show how much something as small as holding hands affected him.

Matteo smirked at the look of surprise on David’s face.

“This is where Eleonora and Luca had their first date”, said Matteo as they stood in front of the Peggy Guggenheim museum. He was taken aback from the bright smile that appeared on David’s face.

“Whose idea was it?”, he asked, still smiling.

“Luca’s. He wanted to impress her”, explained Matteo. David nodded.

“Not bad”, he tilted his head towards the entrance. “So, are we going in?”

David looked absolutely ecstatic. His eyes were practically shining as he took in all the paintings in front of him. He was like a small child on Christmas morning. It made Matteo’s heart feel full. He couldn’t help but smile as he looked at David.

However, they spent too much time in that museum in Matteo’s opinion. He had quickly gotten bored after he went through all the paintings, settling on watching David instead.

David walked slowly, spending at least ten minutes looking at one painting, taking in every detail of it. He looked fascinated. Matteo discreetly took out his phone and snapped a picture of David, but the flash was on, so he noticed him.

“What are you doing?”, David smirked.

“You had a really stupid expression on your face, I wanted to show Amira”, Matteo answered. The boy rolled his eyes at Matteo, he moved on to the next painting.

After a couple of minutes, David spoke again.

“Are you bored?”

“Uh, no”, Matteo said as he looked around, “I just don’t think I am high enough to appreciate this”, he answered as he eyed a painting right next to David. _Jackson Pollock, Circumcision (January 1946), Oil on canvas._

David chuckled at his answer. He signalled to Matteo to come next to him.

“Look at this”, David said.

“What exactly am I looking at?” Matteo glanced at the small card that was under the painting: _Jackson Pollock, Two (1943–45), Oil on canvas. _

“What do you think?”

“Honestly, it looks like two people going at it”, David huffed out a laugh as he shook his head. Matteo liked seeing him so happy and relaxed. He moved on, walking into another room, towards the next painting, but Matteo kept watching him.

“I really like this one”, David said after a while.

“Is it Picasso?”, Matteo asked as he stood next to David, who rolled his eyes. When he saw the painting, he immediately started feeling a bit uneasy.

_René Magritte, Empire of Light (L’Empire des lumières) (1953–54), Oil on canvas._

The painting was simple enough. There was a pale, blue sky with white clouds, below it, however, the colours were darker, almost black. There was a house, surrounded by trees, illuminated by a lone streetlamp. He realised that the painting was depicting both day and night.

Matteo felt incredibly sad while looking at it. For him there was an overwhelming melancholy coming from the painting. The fact that the only things lightening up the house were the streetlamp and the two open windows, despite the blue sky above it, made him feel troubled. Why couldn’t the light touch the house? Why is it surrounded by darkness despite it being daytime? There was a profound loneliness in this whole thing, like something is just within reach, but was still untouchable. It created an ache deep within Matteo’s chest.

“I don’t think I get it”, he said to David. He hoped David would explain it to him in a way it didn’t make him feel so sad.

“Magritte’s paintings don’t really have a meaning. His aim is to make us think through his art. So, if you are thinking about its meaning, you basically get the idea.” his answer didn’t really satisfy Matteo.

“Don’t you think it’s sad?”

“Not really”, David shrugged, but his eyes betrayed the nonchalance he was trying to portrait.

“It looks kind of hopeful to me”, he added. Matteo didn’t press for an explanation. 

Then, he looked at Matteo.

“It kind of reminds me of you”, David paused to study his expression. Matteo didn’t know how to feel about this. He didn’t know what to think of the fact that David associated something so sad with him, thought he couldn’t blame him. Matteo was a sad person. But, he had said that he thought it was hopeful, right?

“It’s because of your eyes. I think the blue matches”.

After another hour, they finally made their way out of the museum to get lunch. Matteo took him to the San Marco square to choose a restaurant where they could have lunch. Out of all the things David could choose, he chose to eat pasta.

“I like yours more”, he said after he had finished eating.

“Obviously”, Matteo replied. David rolled his eyes. They stayed a bit at the restaurant after they finished eating. David had been doodling on the napkins, and Matteo didn’t have the heart to disturb him. He like to watch him draw. He looked like he was in his own world. Matteo wished he could be part of it.

He thought about what Eleonora said, that David drew him. It wasn’t unusual, David drew everyone, but she had said that the drawings were more romantic than his posts. What did that even mean? He looked at the doodle on the napkin and saw himself. It was a really small figure, with a weird hat and a weird outfit. Wait.

“Are you drawing me as Snufkin?”, he asked, unimpressed. David just grinned at him.

They walked around slowly, tripping and shoving each other, because they obviously couldn’t act like adults. They even got yelled at by an elderly woman when Matteo bumped into her, because David had pushed him.

Matteo has always liked the narrow streets of Venice. It made him feel hidden. He started appreciating them even more when David would take his hand when they passed a group of people, so they didn’t get separated. Matteo wished David didn’t let go, though. Of course, they took a lot of pictures, too. Matteo’s favourite was the one where David was standing in front of a bridge, flipping Matteo of, who was behind the camera, but had risen his middle finger at David, which could be seen in the shot. David had scrunched up his nose, adorably, and Matteo loved it.

“Oh, wow”, David exclaimed as they arrived at their next destination. It was a second-hand bookstore Matteo used to visit with his mother when they spent their summers in Italy. It was their thing. Before his mother got worse, she loved reading. Their house in Berlin had a huge library. So when they came here, she would hold his hand while they made their way into the bookstore, letting him play with the cat that lived here, while she searched for whatever she needed. At some point they had even met the owner. He had gifted Matteo a children’s book, which he loved a lot. He didn’t know where that book was now, though.

It wasn’t exactly a traditional bookstore. There were hundreds of books which were chaotically piled in old canoes, gondolas, bathtubs and barrels. David ran his hand over the covers of the books in one canoe and laughed.

“This is crazy”, he said as he looked around. Matteo liked this place. It was very colourful and even if it was a bit disorganised it felt cosy.

“I used to spent a lot of time here with my mom”, Matteo said as he picked up a random book, opening it. After skimming over the lines he left it.

“There is a staircase made of books in the garden”.

David looked at him in disbelieve, but then he nodded as he chuckled.

“Alright, we’ll go see it in a bit”, something caught his attention. He bent down, reading through the titles on one of the lower shelves. It seemed to interest him, because he sat down in front of it, pulling a book out and looking through the pages. He looked at Matteo, tilting his head as to signal him to sit down.

When he did sit down next to him, David cleared his throat and straightened his back with the book in his hands, and started reading in English, dramatically.

“The rainbow stands/ In a moment/ As if you are here.” David looked at him, waiting for his reaction.

“What does that even mean?”, Matteo asked.

“No idea”, he put back the book and took another one. He opened it at a random page, his eyes skimming the text. He smiled before he started reading, “Meeting is/ One of the accidents./ The sunshine at the beginning of the summer.”

“What are these?” Matteo asked as he looked at the shelves in front of them.

“Love haikus, apparently”, David was looking at the cover of the book. “So random, to be reading Japanese poems, translated in English, while we are in Italy”.

“And with us, being German”, Matteo added and both of them laughed.

They spent the next half an hour sitting in that spot pulling out random books and reading random sections from them, no matter what language it was or if they understood what was being told. They did it as dramatically as possible, with weird accents and wild gestures, and after that they would burst into giggles. One of the books was a terrible, sappy, teen romance in German, and they had the time of their lives reading the dumb dialog between the two love interests, barely managing to read the lines because of their laughter. Despite the nasty stares they got from the other people who had to walk over them, Matteo was having fun. Though, everything is fun with David as stupid as it sounds.

He pulled out another book, without looking at the cover. He opened it and realised it was in Spanish. The way the text was formatted was a bit weird for him, but he didn’t think much of it. He picked a random section and started reading it to David.

“My love has made me selfish. I cannot exist without you – I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again – my Life seems to stop there – I see no further.” Matteo’s voice had gotten quieter and quieter until he paused. He couldn’t read this to David. It would be too awkward if he did. But, it would be even more awkward if he just stopped. No. There was no way could read this. David took the book from his hands to look at the cover.

A compilation of the greatest love letters ever written, translated in Spanish. _I am an idiot. _Matteo knew he was blushing. But David just opened it again and skimming through the text.

“What’s this about?”, David asked.

“Uh, don’t know, didn’t really understand it”, he lied. David shrugged and put back the book.

They stayed on the floor for a couple more minutes, not saying anything, just looking at each other. When another person tripped because of them, Matteo spoke up again.

“Do you wanna see the staircase now?”, he asked as he got up.

“Sure”.

It had gotten quite late, almost time for dinner, when Matteo got a text from Aurora:

**From Auwurora**

(20:43) she’s gone, you can come back now

(20:44) we ordered pizza!

(20:45) and we have wine

(20:45) <3 <3 <3 <3

“They are waiting for us”, Matteo told David. They were on Rialto Bridge, watching a group of tourist that were listening intently to the dumb ghost stories their tour guide was telling.

“We should head back”, he added, but David just nodded. They stayed for a couple more minutes, until the group of tourist started walking and were now out of sight.

David looked up at the sky, wish his back against the bridge’s railing. It was unusual for it to be so empty, but Matteo guessed they were lucky. He leaned right next to David.

“I really like your family”, David broke the silence.

“I bet my aunt is your favourite”, Matteo said.

“You know what I mean. It really must have been fun while you were growing up”.

Matteo knew that David’s parents weren’t the best. Even before they had kick him out, because they couldn’t accept the fact that they had a _son_, they were pretty distant. He didn’t have other relatives. It was just him, Laura and their godmother. It must have been lonely.

“Well”, Matteo started, “they have practically accepted you as one of us, so”, David looked at him, his eyes seemed almost black, “you can’t get rid of them, even if you try”.

David huffed out a laugh.

“I’m really glad I’m here, Matteo”, the way he said his name made his heart ache. David’s voice was soft, and he was just so sincere. Matteo wanted to pull him closer, kiss the sad expression off his face.

He settled for taking his hand.

“I’m glad you are here, too.”

David squeezed his hand.

Despite what happened in the morning, today was a good day. A great one, actually. David pushed himself of the railing and stood right in front of Matteo, the tip of their shoes touching.

“We’ll have to up our game tomorrow”, he said, a bit hesitantly. Matteo couldn’t take it.

“And what does that mean?”

David just raised his eyebrows and smirked, the hesitance he had a minute ago had disappeared, “Guess.”

Once again, they were standing close to each other, too close in Matteo’s opinion. It was one thing doing this in front of his cousins, but now? For whom are they pretending? David licked his lips, and Matteo thought he saw David looking at his mouth. _You are doing this on purpose._

David must know what he was doing. Matteo leaned a bit more towards David, grabbing the sleeves of his jacket. David had put one hand on his cheek, his thumb pressing against his bottom lip.

A noisy group of tourists was walking towards them and David stepped back.

“We really should go”, he said as he started walking. Matteo followed him. _Fucking tease._

Something had changed between them, but Matteo couldn’t figure it out. Everything seemed fine, but after their talk at the bridge, there seemed to be some tension between them. Maybe he was imagining it.

When they came back to the house, Luca had pulled him aside.

“Everything okay with you two?”, he looked concerned.

“Yes?”, Matteo glanced at David. He was hugging Roberto and talking to Aurora.

“We didn’t scare him off, right?”

“Uh, no”, he smiled, "you didn't".

His cousins had already eaten, but they still sat at the table while David and Matteo had dinner. They were shouting over each other, talking about a movie, as if nothing had happened. Matteo had ditched them the minute he was done with his pizza to lie down on the couch with Bella leaning on his chest. He was tired, but he still appreciated her company. She was probably the only person he could deal with, right now. And maybe David, but he didn’t count.

Bella was talking to him about something that had happened at the park a few days ago, when Matteo realised that in all of her stories there was the same kid.

“Wait, who is Elia?”

She sat up, turning towards him, crossing her arms in front of her chest. She was supposed to look angry, but Matteo just found her adorable.

“My boyfriend!”, she answered, exasperated. Matteo huffed out a laugh.

“Your boyfriend, you say”. He shook his head, “does papa know you have a boyfriend?”

“No”, she looked a bit guilty, “because mama said he would be upset, so it’s a secret!”. She had put a finger over her mouth, “You can’t tell anyone.” She shoved her hand towards his face with her pinky sticking out, “You have to promise.”

Matteo nodded and wrapped his own pinky finger around hers.

“I promise”, he said seriously. She grinned at him.

Though, Matteo was very amused by this.

“So”, he started, “you like this boy?”

“Yes”, she had gone back to leaning on his chest, playing with a toy car. Matteo started combing his fingers through her hair.

“Why?”, he was trying to tie her hair in a braid.

“He always gives me his toys and he can find struffoli even when it’s not Christmas”, she looked thoughtful for a second, then she added, “He said we are going to get married”. Matteo laughed at that.

“Aren’t you a bit young to get married?”

“Not now!”, she turned to him, her eyebrows furrowed. “When we are adults.”

She started playing again with her toys, driving the car over Matteo’s chest and shoulders.

Behind them, he could hear David laughing. _How nice it is to be a five year old_, he thought, _it’s so simple._

“When are you going to marry zio David?”, suddenly his niece asked. Matteo was caught off guard.

“What?”, he couldn’t believe he was blushing. A comment from a five year old made him blush. It was probably because of the three glasses of wine he had earlier.

“Mama said that zio David isn’t actually my uncle yet. He has to marry you first.” she talked so calmly, as if Matteo’s world wasn’t shattering around him.

“You want David to be your uncle?”

“Yes?”, she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. It got silent between them again. She had abandoned her toys in favour to play with Matteo’s hands.

Suddenly, as if she just remembered something, she looked up to him.

“Why do _you_ like zio David?”, she asked. Matteo sat up so he could look at the kitchen that was behind them. He looked at David, sitting between Stefano and Eleonora, passionately talking about something.

Why did he like David actually?

He thought about laughing until he couldn’t breathe and getting high in his dorm room, about biking until he felt like his legs would fall off and exploring abandoned buildings, about parks and pretend sword-fighting, about chocolate and late-night conversations, about bookstores and love letters, about art museums and the most beautiful boy in the world. 

“He,” Matteo started, but he couldn’t think of how to put his thought into words. How could he explain that David was _everything_? Matteo had never met someone like him, someone that made him feel understood and accepted, without even having to explain himself. Someone that could make him forget one of the most painful conversations he had, someone who made him happy just by being close to him. Someone that made his life better without even trying, just by being himself. It was beautiful with him. God, he might be drunk.

He heard David laugh again. 

“He makes me feel like my heart is dipped in honey”.

Bella nodded as if it made perfect sense to her. And, it probably did, kids have different world views.


	3. three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh i'm so sorry for the delay! hopefully, you will like this chapter :'))  
thank you so much for the nice comments!

It had gotten quite late. Bella was trying her best to stay awake, but it was obvious she was tired. She kept talking about a new cartoon show she liked, while Matteo was trying to braid her hair.

“Dude, what are you doing to her hair?”, David had come to sit next to them. Matteo tensed when their shoulders bumped while David was getting comfortable. His family was still in the kitchen, talking about the wedding. Or, so Matteo supposed by Aurora and Stefano’s whining.

“I’m braiding it?”

“That’s not how you do it”, Matteo rolled his eyes.

“I’d like to see you do better”.

Bella turned her back towards David and he started gently cradling his fingers through her hair, ruining Matteo’s hard work.

Honestly, from what he could see David was definitely doing a better job than him.

“So, Bella”, he said, while the small girl was rubbing her eyes, “What did you do today?”

The girl started talking about her day, going in with as much as details she could remember. Though, she was yawning every five minutes, it was very cute. When she started talking about the park they went to David interrupted her.

“Oh! Did you see,” he paused, glancing at Matteo, “You know who”.

“It’s okay”, the girl mumbled, “zio Matteo knows about Elia. And no, we didn’t see him”.

“Wait, why did you tell him first?”, Matteo was positively offended.

“Because I’m her favourite, right, Bella?”, David said as he hugged her and she giggled.

“Excuse me-”

“It’s time for bed”, Eleonora was now next to them, trying to get her daughter, but Bella just hid her face in the crook of David’s neck. He laughed, picking her up.

“Let’s go”, he said and followed Eleonora, while Bella complained.

“Zio Matteo!”, she was reaching with her tiny hands towards him and he actually felt a bit guilty.

“Can’t she stay for a bit?”, he asked. David turned to him, chuckling and shaking his head, but Eleonora just replied with a simple _no_.

Matteo took the cigarette that was still behind his ear and went into the kitchen to search for a lighter. He found one on the kitchen counter, right next to the sink. He took it and went to the enormous windows in the living room, opening one and leaning on it. He thought about David, which, really, wasn't anything new. It was pathetic actually, how David was a permanent presence in his mind.

After a couple of seconds Aurora appeared next to him, taking the cigarette and the lighter from Matteo.

“Smoking is bad for you”, she said as she lit up the cigarette, taking a drag from it. Matteo scoffed at her antics, but didn’t try to get it back. They didn’t say anything, before she finished the cigarette. Matteo felt bad. Aurora didn’t look like someone that was getting married in two days. Actually, she looked tired and annoyed.

“I’m sorry”, he said, because he felt so guilty. It was because of him that there was so much tension.

“Why are you apologising?”, she asked without looking at him. She took one last drag and extinguished the cigarette on the windowsill.

“For what happened in the morning”, he sighed, “I think it would have been better if I stayed in Berlin”.

Aurora laughed.

“Dude”, she turned to him, smiling, “We have had worse arguments. What happened this morning was nothing compared to the time we were choosing the dress”, Aurora shuddered as she remembered, “we made another bride cry”

Matteo didn’t say anything. He still felt bad.

“Actually, I have to apologise to you”, that made him look at her, “for forcing you to do this”.

“It’s, uh, okay”, Matteo didn’t really know what to say to her. Was he happy to be with them? Yes, of course. But, did he want to go to the wedding? No, not really.

“No, it’s not”, she looked sad and he started feeling even more guilty, “I really don’t care about this. If we had it our way, none of this would have happened. We probably would have done all the paperwork and then celebrated with a cake in our apartment”, she turned to him, taking one of his hands in her own.

“But, it didn’t feel right not to have one of my favourite people here, when I will be sharing this day with so many people I don’t even know. I’m sorry I’m being so selfish, but it means a lot to me that you are here.”

_ Well, it’s good to know I did the right thing for once._

“No, really, it’s okay.” It was true that Matteo had a lot of doubts and anxiety about this, but in the end it was worth it. Seeing his cousins was great, being in Italy was great, _being with David_ was great. Sure, it was shitty he had to deal with the rest of his family, but overall it wasn’t that bad. He wasn’t a sad, insecure sixteen year old boy. He wasn’t scared anymore. Nothing they said to him could really upset him; anger him, maybe, but that was all.

Aurora hugged him tight.

“Honestly, I wish you luck with your wedding”.

_Why are we talking about this_, Matteo thought miserably.

“We didn’t even do half of the planning and it was still so stressful! We haven’t stopped arguing with mama since we told her we are getting married”, she added after a couple of minutes, “That’s why I can’t wait to be over with this shit.”

“I see you are excited for your wedding”, a voice behind them said. Both of them turned around and saw Luca pouring himself a glass of wine. He looked at them, raising the bottle as to ask them if they also wanted. Aurora nodded, pulling two more glasses from the cabinet above the sink.

“Now I know what you went through.”

Matteo was content just to listen to his cousins’ talk. Eleonora had also come to the kitchen. She leaned next to him, resting her head on his, as she was a bit taller than him.

“Bella is forcing your boyfriend to read her a bedtime story”, she said while accepting the glass her husband was offering her. Matteo spluttered and laughed.

“It’s hard to say no to her, I don’t know how you do it”, he said while smiling.

“Puppy eyes don’t work on moms”, Luca answered instead of her. Stefano came into the kitchen, draping himself all over Aurora’s shoulders.

“Do you want to elope? I can’t deal with this anymore”, he whined as he took her glass to drink.

“Just two more days, babe”.

“Why did we agree on doing this?”

“Because our moms emotionally manipulated us”, Matteo laughed at Aurora’s answer. He could picture it, how his aunt crying in front of her, telling her _how she will die without seeing her only daughter in a wedding dress._

“At least, mom finally accepted you”, Luca interjected, “It only took, like, six years.”

Matteo remembered how much his aunt hated Stefano. She thought he was a delinquent that was always getting her daughter in trouble, but the truth was that Aurora was the one with the bad ideas. Stefano just always took the blame for her.

“At least, you got accepted”, Eleonora mumbled. She and his aunt didn’t get along very well. He bumped his shoulder to hers in solidary. He knew how she felt.

David also came into the kitchen, settling right next to Matteo.

“She fell asleep”, he informed Luca and Eleonora.

“You are a saint”, Nora said as she reached out to pinch his cheek. David just smiled at her.

They talked for a bit more. They even opened another wine bottle, to mark the start of _the three days of no sobriety in order to deal with family. _They stayed in the kitchen until it was two am and all of them were drunk. Matteo didn’t really feel tired, though, neither did David, judging by how animated his gestures were while talking. It was very difficult for Matteo to pay attention. David was so close to him, one hand on his waist, his head resting on Matteo’s shoulder.

Stefano and Aurora were the first to retreat to their bedroom, and soon after Luca and Eleonora were about to do the same.

“I guess, we should also go to bed”, slurred David. Fuck, he was really drunk. Matteo was, too.

“Take this”, Luca had shoved the half empty wine bottle in David’s arms, “as a thank you for dealing with Bella”.

“No, it’s-”

“No, no, no”, Luca didn’t even want to hear it, “You guys have to finish it”.

David looked at Matteo, but he just shrugged, taking the bottle from him.

The couple had left them, and Matteo started feeling nervous. David was a very affectionate when drunk. At parties when he has had a couple of drinks he would always be around Matteo, touching him in some way. Usually, it was bearable, they were best friends, they were used to touching each other. But, when David was drunk, he did things that drove Matteo crazy. David would kiss his cheeks or neck, when they were standing close to each other; he would slip his hand under his shirt when they danced together. He also really liked sitting on Matteo’s lap. But, that was when he was really, really drunk. One time, Matteo was lying on the couch in order to try and balance a beer bottle on his forehead, and David just lied on top of him. Five minutes after that, when Leonie pulled David off him, Matteo went to the bathroom, turned on the shower and stood under the freezing cold water, with his clothes on, so he would calm down.

It’s not like Matteo didn’t like it when David was so close to him, but the problem was that David acted like this with everyone. And, he didn’t know what was more painful – to have David all over him, but just as a friend or to watch David being like this with someone else.

Usually, Matteo’s solution was to get just as drunk as David, so it was easier to deal with this. He never got drunk enough to relax, though. He was always on edge.

“Wanna go for a walk?”, David asked. It was now 3:30 am.

Matteo said yes.

The kept passing the bottle as they walked around. Matteo preferred the small, narrow streets and David hadn’t protested. However, he insisted on walking next to Matteo, while holding his hand and leaning on him. Because the roads were so small, they were practically squished between the buildings. They talked about nothing important really. David was talking about his classmate’s project, but Matteo wasn’t listening. He was just enjoying the sound of David’s voice so close to his ear.

After a while David decided he was tired and just sat down, right in the middle of the street. He was leaning on the building behind him, a really old house, by the looks of it. Matteo sat opposite him, their legs pressed together. Because Matteo loved being a little shit to David, he untied his shoes.

“Nooooo”, David whined as if this was the most horrible thing that could have happened to him. He tried to tie them, but Matteo untied them again. At one point David just gave up.

They had finished the wine, and were now sitting in comfortable silence. David had his eyes closed and Matteo used the opportunity to watch him. He realised something.

“You have an eyelash”, he said quietly. David opened his eyes. Matteo pointed at his right cheek. David swept under his eye and looked at his hand.

“I have to make a wish now, right?”, David asked.

“Yeah.”

“What should I wish for?”

“It’s your eyelash, your wish”, Matteo paused, studying David. His expression was neutral. His cheeks were a bit red, it probably was from the alcohol. Matteo wondered if he kissed David now, would he taste the wine.

“I don’t know”, David was looking at his hand.

“Isn’t there anything you want?”

David looked at him, and his gaze made Matteo blush. He licked his lips and closed his eyes. After a few seconds he opened his eyes, blowing the eyelash away.

“What did you wish for?”

“If I tell you it won’t come true”.

Matteo rolled his eyes, “Since when do you believe in these things?”

“I don’t”, David huffed out a laugh, “but, I’m getting desperate”. That made Matteo frown. What did David want so badly?

_I’m the one that’s desperate._

They stayed in comfortable silence for a while. Matteo was tracing the shape of David’s eyes, nose, mouth, with his own eyes, mesmerised.

“Hey”, David suddenly got up.

“What?”, Matteo looked up at him, stretching out his hands, so David could pull him up.

“Do you hear that?”, David asked while he looked around. Not much could be made out in the darkness, though. But Matteo did hear it. Someone was playing music. Matteo recognised the song. He didn’t know the name of it, but it was an old Italian song, his mother loved. She didn’t know Italian very well, but she liked singing it to his father.

He looked at David, who was grinning at him.

“What?”

David put out his left hand as he bowed, “Would you like to dance?”

Matteo laughed, but then he realised that David was serious. _What the hell_? He bowed, too, and took David’s hand.

“I would love to”, he said through his laughter. They didn’t really dance, but rather just tried to sway in rhythm with the song. David tried to twirl him, but they were too drunk for difficult moves like this. They settled on David having his hands on Matteo’s waist, and Matteo’s arms wrapped around David’s shoulders. Everything Matteo was worrying about was forgotten. He didn’t care about the fact that he’d have to spend the next two days with people he hated, or the fact that he’d have to face his father. It was like the world outside this street didn’t exist. It was just him and David, and Matteo was content. He felt David pressing a soft kiss on the side of his head, just above his ear, and he pulled him closer. _I think I love you_, Matteo thought.

They stumbled their way into their house at around five am. They didn’t bother on changing clothes, they just collapsed on the bed, wrapped around each other and fell asleep.

Matteo loved his nieces to bits. He really did. But, this was the fifth consecutive time she was listening to Baby Shark and he wasn’t sure he could take it anymore.

When Matteo woke up, the first thing he did was to check his phone. It was eight am, too early for him to be awake, so he tried to fall asleep again. But, he couldn’t, because of the muffled _baby shark do do do do do _coming from the other room. He knew that David was awake, too, even though he had his back turned to him.

David was pressed against him, his face shoved into the back of Matteo’s neck, their hands had their fingers interlaced. Matteo knew David was awake because he was making small circles with his thumb on Matteo’s hand. He didn't remember how they ended up like this, though.

It was too early for him to deal with this and the dumb song Bella insisted on playing was no help. Suddenly, it got quiet. _Thank god_, he thought. He closed his eyes, hoping he could fall asleep again, but to his horror David started singing.

“Baby shark do do”, it wasn’t exactly singing, because he was whispering. Matteo would usually think it was cute, but he had slept for three hours and it got on Matteo’s nerves. He elbowed David on the ribs, hoping it would make him shut up.

“Shhh”, he hissed, just in case his point wasn’t clear.

“You are an asshole”, hissed back at him David. He had let go of Matteo, in order to lie on his back, massaging his ribs. Matteo instantly regretted his actions. He wanted David to hug him again.

“Nonnino”, he could hear Bella shrieking.

Fuck.

No.

His father was here.

Matteo felt his pulse quickening, his chest tightening and his breathing shallowing. The heaviness had returned_. It was going great._ He turned to David, burying his head in the space between David’s neck and shoulder, wrapping his arm around his chest. David rolled on his side, tucking Matteo’s head under his chin, holding him close. _I was doing so well._

After the divorce, when Matteo’s father fucked off to Italy, leaving him alone with his mother, things had gotten bad. Matteo had to move out of his mother’s house, as he could no longer take care of her after she had gotten hospitalized. He also was going to fail his last year in high school, because he was too busy drowning his guilt and sadness in weed and alcohol rather than studying for Abi. But, not only was Matteo incredibly sad about his home life, he was also confused and scared, because he had no idea what to do with his life, which only added to him own misery. Consumed by strong self-hatred, because he just couldn’t _fit in_ with his friends for a reason he didn’t want to even think about, Matteo started isolating himself. It was at the same time he stopped keeping in touch with his family, or anyone really. Before his exams, Matteo had spent a month in his apartment without going out or talking to anyone, despite Hans’ and Linn’s attempts of helping him. Matteo was lost, lonely and just really fucking miserable. He didn’t see the point of trying to do anything, really, because he had accepted himself as the failure he is. He only realised he actually needed help, when Amira came over, trying to talk some sense in him. Despite her cold demeanour, she didn’t leave his side and quite literally dragged him through his last year in high school, helping him to graduate.

Needless to say, he was thankful to have her.

But, he was doing better these days. After high school in a moment of rare motivation he had applied for university, and here he is, two years later: being an almost functional adult. He enjoyed what he was studying and he even knew what to do after university ended. He had friends who loved and accepted him for who he was. He had even grown more comfortable in his own skin, embracing his own sexuality. But, the accomplishment he was most proud of had to be how much better his relationship to his mother was now. After two years of therapy, Matteo had finally started to enjoy life and actually being present.

However, there were still issues he wasn’t ready to face. One of them being his father.

He didn’t actually hate his father. He used to be so, so angry, but with time the anger had withered out. Matteo had accepted the fact that his dad had moved on, and so should he. Still, he wasn’t exactly keen on seeing him.

“It’s okay”, David whispered to him and Matteo held oh tighter, “You can do this.”

After an hour, when Matteo had finally calmed down, he emerged from the room, with David close behind him. They stopped before they entered the living room. He could hear his family’s voices. Bella was giggling, while Aurora and Stefano were talking over each other, explaining something about the wedding cake.

David took his hand and squeezed it, which grounded Matteo. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

The chatter died down quickly after they came into the room. It was too quiet, if a pin was dropped they would hear it. Matteo’s father was sitting on the armchair opposite the door. He got up and Matteo felt the need to straighten, _ha_, up.

“Matteo”, his father said, while smiling, but the smile didn’t really reach his eyes, which looked cold.

Matteo actually felt a bit better. He was used to this coldness, this was nothing new. He could deal with this. Matteo could feel the eyes of his cousins’ on him. It was tense.

“It’s good to see you”, he said, and Matteo just smiled. He didn’t think he could say the same.

“I’d like you to meet my wife, Martina”, a young woman came to stand next to his father, she had blond hair that had to be dyed, and brown eyes.

“It’s great to finally meet you”, she said as she smile warmly, but Matteo didn’t like her. She made him feel uneasy. She ushered a boy that was sitting on the couch to come stand next to her.

“This is my son, Giovanni”.

The boy looked a bit younger than Matteo. He had brown hair and brown eyes.

“It’s really nice to meet you”, he said to Matteo, who just nodded.

Matteo looked back. David was behind him, out of their sight, with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Matteo reached out, and he took his hand.

“This is David”, David was now standing next to him, “my boyfriend.”

It was amusing to see how quickly their expressions changed. His father was no longer smiling. His mouth was pressed into a thin line. Martina still had a smile on her face, but she looked confused. Giovanni, though, just looked surprised.

After a couple of tense minutes, his father spoke up.

“Would you leave us for a second?”, he was looking at his cousins. Eleonora looked at Matteo, uncertain, but he just nodded. Then, one by one, all of them, even Giovanni, left to go to the kitchen. David was still next to him, though. They looked at his father and Martina.

“You are not doing this at Aurora’s wedding”, his father said, coldly.

“Do what?”, Matteo asked, but he already knew the answer.

“This whole fiasco”, he pointed at David, “bringing a boy here.”

“Who else was I supposed to bring to my cousin’s wedding, if not my boyfriend”, Matteo was trying his best to keep his voice calm and neutral.

“Please,” his dad scoffed. After a couple of minutes, Martina also spoke up.

“Matteo, dear, don’t you think this is a bit too much?”, she was smiling while she said that, but he had to bite his cheek in order to not yell at her to _shut the fuck up_. Who did she think she was?

“I don’t know what you are trying to prove”, his father sighed, “I understand that you are angry, and I guess this is your way of spitting me, but”, he didn’t give a chance to Matteo to interrupt him, “You are not going to embarrass me in front of the entire family.”

“What?”

“You are an adult, Matteo. Act like it.”

“How am I-”

“Your facebook stunt was enough”, his father was stern. He was glaring, but mostly at David, who was just looking at him, apathetically, “You didn’t have to bring another person, just to provoke us”.

Matteo didn’t know what to do. A lot of vile words were running through his head, threatening to spill. He wanted so badly to tell his father to just _fuck off_. Matteo was wrong, he hadn’t gotten over his anger.

“David”, he gritted through his teeth, “is my boyfriend. Not because I want to spite you, but because I like boys, and therefore I date _boys_”.

“Are you still going with that?”, his father was also finding it hard not to yell.

“Matteo”, Martina interjected, “You just haven’t met the right girl. You don’t-”

“No”, Matteo felt like he would cry any moment, “I am gay, it doesn’t matter how many girls I meet.”

Two years ago, Matteo would have done his best to avoid being associated with that word. Now, he felt satisfied saying it in front of his father. 

Martina and his father looked like he had just slapped them. His father was about to say something, but Aurora bragged into the room.

“Breakfast is ready”, she had her arms crossed in front of her chest and she was frowning.

Breakfast was even more awkward than it was when his aunt was here. Not even Bella was talking, sensing the tense atmosphere. She looked up, confusedly at David, who just smiled and winked at her.

David was probably the only one that looked unbothered. But, Matteo knew he was pissed, by the passively aggressive way he was being overly touchy. He had his arm draped on Matteo’s shoulders, he would lean in closer that it was necessary to whisper something to him. At one point he had even fed Matteo a piece of apple. Matteo lived for the way his father was glaring at them.

_This is not real_, Matteo had to remind himself again and again. The proximity of David making him feel dizzy. And as much as he enjoyed having David wrapped around him, it was too much for his heart. He got up, mumbling a quiet _I’m going to help in the kitchen_ and quickly made his way there, escaping from David’s grasp. When he got to the kitchen, he saw Stefano and Aurora talking quietly. When they saw him, they stopped. Stefano was scowling, while Aurora was straight-up glaring at the floor.

“Uh”, Matteo didn’t know what to do, “Everything okay?”

They didn’t answer. Stefano was trying to smile at him, but Aurora didn’t stop frowning. After a couple of seconds, she pushed herself from the counter and started walking towards the door.

“Stay here”, she ordered.

“Aurora, don’t”, Stefano followed her and Matteo was left alone in the kitchen. He was confused. He was about to follow them, too, despite his cousin’s orders, but he was stopped when David was pushed into the room, Aurora closing the door behind him. They just looked at each other for a couple of seconds. He could hear his father talking from the other room. Aurora, too, but she sounded way angrier than him.

“Your father thinks you are paying me”, David broke the silence.

“What the fuck?”

“Do none of your family members believe in gay people?”, David asked while chuckling.

“What did he tell you?”, Matteo was so tired already. It was fun having David here, but he didn’t want to deal with this bullshit.

“Well, he started with ‘I don’t know how much he’s paying you, but I’ll give you double if you stop this nonsense’. But, I told him that we are very much in love and we have been together for a while, but he didn’t believe me. Something about this being fake and all.”

Matteo pinched the bridge of his nose. He started opening and closing different cabinets to find some medicine for his headache. David was now standing close to him, looking at him with sad eyes, but Matteo couldn’t look back at him.

“I’m sorry”, Matteo said, “I’m sorry you also have to deal with this”. David raised his eyebrow at him, clearly unimpressed.

“Matteo”, David was standing right in front of him now, “I told you, this is what makes it fun.”

Matteo didn’t think it was fun at all. His cousins also had a hard time with their significant others because of family, but at least their relationships are considered real. 

Suddenly, the door opened and Aurora stomped her way to the fridge, taking out a chocolate bar and started eating it angrily, while leaning on the door of the refrigerator. Stefano came in after her, looking tense. Matteo and David looked at each other, then they looked at the couple next to them.

Then, Stefano’s phone started ringing and both of them groaned when they saw who was calling.

“Two more days”, mumbled Aurora.

“Two more days”, repeated after her Stefano and picked up the phone, “Mama! Hello-” and he left the room.

Aurora was almost finished with her chocolate bar, but at least she had calmed down a bit. Eleonora walked into the kitchen, holding Roberto in her hands, Bella following her closely.

“Would you like to come to the park with us?”, she asked while smiling. Matteo was happy to have a reason to get out of the house.

It was half an hour trip to the _Parco delle Rimembranze_. Eleonora had decided they were going on a picnic, so she had packed a lot of food. Too much, considering it’s just her, the kids and Matteo and David.

“Luca is not coming with us?”, asked David and Nora just shook her head.

“No, he has to do some last minute preparations for Stefano’s bachelor party.”

Right. The party. Stefano had said he didn’t want one, but Luca and Stefano’s best friend Francesco had organised him one. Aurora was also supposed to have a party, with Nora and some friends of hers, but it would be far more relaxed than Stefano’s. Matteo knew that there were at least twenty people invited to a bar.

They had a nice day at the park. Bella made a mess while she ate. (“I guess it runs in the family”, David grinned as he was trying to clean Matteo’s cheek with a napkin. Matteo flipped him off behind Bella’s back.) After that they took turns playing with Bella. She seemed to have endless energy, but the only thing Matteo wanted was to sit down. He left David to play with her, and she was ecstatic.

Matteo settled on playing with Roberto, sitting on the small blanket with Nora. Matteo had always liked her, though, he was a bit nervous. She was extremely observant, nothing could go pass her. Matteo pitied Roberto and Bella. There was no way they would be getting out of trouble with a mom like Eleonora.

However, she was always calm, it was rare to see her angry, a nice contrast to his temperamental cousin. It had always been relaxing to talk to her. Not so much now, though. 

She had been complaining about his aunt and how annoying she could be.

“Once, she unexpectedly came over while we had some friends visiting us from Milan. It was so embarrassing. She didn’t stop making comments about how dirty it was in our house, how she didn’t like the food. Luca didn’t talk to her for a month after that”, Nora rolled her eyes, but she smiled while she saw David and Bella.

“Sounds like her”, Matteo said just to show that he was listening. It got quiet between them, then Eleonora looked at him, her eyes sharp. He instantly started feeling nervous.

“How long did you say you and David were together?”, she asked.

“Six months”, Matteo tried to stay calm. Why was she asking?

“Oh”, she looked back at David, who had picked Bella up, “Would have never thought you were dating for such a long time.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Why?”

Eleonora smirked.

“You seem so nervous around each other. As if you’ve just started dating”, she started gathering the empty lunch boxes into the small basket she had brought.

After a couple of minutes, she added, “Or, as if you have a crush”.

Matteo knew she knew. Or, at least she suspected something. Granted, it wouldn’t be that bad if she found out the truth, but he didn’t want things to get more complicated. Fuck, they really should be more careful.

“No, I’m just nervous because of my dad and zia, and the rest of the family”, it was close to the truth. Eleonora raised an eyebrow at him and just hummed.

“Whatever you say”.

The ride back was a bit awkward. Matteo was trying to be a bit more affectionate with David, as to show Nora that they were, in fact, dating for six months. He copied what David did in the morning. He draped himself all over him, he stayed close, holding his hand. He even kissed his cheek for good measure. But, it was probably getting more suspicious. David had been throwing confused glances his way, so Matteo decided to tone it down a little.

They finally made their way home. To Matteo’s horror, his aunt, Benedetta, was also there with his father. _Great_. David slipped his hand in Matteo’s, squeezing it, as to assure him that everything was going to be okay.

They went into the living room, where Aurora, Stefano, his father and aunt were talking. He prepared himself for the frowns and scowls, for the nasty comments, but nothing happened. They didn’t even look at them.

He figured that Aurora and Stefano talked to them, probably told them to act civil. And… that’s why they did. His aunt was polite. Asking them if they’ve had lunch, if they were ready for tonight. She was smiling, but Matteo could still feel the distance between them, the coldness in her words. It hurt, but it was better than getting screamed at. His father had been straight-up ignoring him, but he really didn’t give a shit.

He actually wished Martina to be also ignoring him, but _no_. She had cornered him in the living room, trying to talk to him.

“You went to the park, yes?”, she was smiling, but it was a bit too sharp for it to be friendly. Matteo nodded. He didn’t want to fucking talk to her.

She scooted closer to him, resting her hands over his, a sad look in her eyes.

“Matteo, I know what it is like to be young”, she started and Matteo tried to stop himself from rolling his eyes, “I know you want to, uh, experiment, to try things, but”, she looked upset and that really got on Matteo’s nerves, “this was your chance to fix your relationship with your father, you aren’t doing yourself any favours this way.”

“Are you done?”, he pulled his hands away from hers.

“It’s not too late”, she tried to make him stay, but he had already gotten up, “I just want what’s best for you! Matteo, please, listen-”, but he had already gone into the kitchen. He was really proud of himself for not screaming _bitch_ at her.

“What’s her deal?”, Matteo looked up and saw David, leaning on the kitchen counter with his phone in his hands.

“Don’t want to fucking talk about it”, he snapped. He knew he was being unnecessarily rude, but he was done. It had been a long fucking day, and they still had the dumb fucking bachelor party. And the thought of attending the wedding tomorrow worsened his mood. He thought he could do this, that he didn’t care about his family, but he did. It sucked that his father had a new wife and son, it sucked that his aunt hated him now, and it fucking sucked that he had to endure more shit tomorrow. It was his own fault, thinking he could get away with bringing a boyfriend. He needed a drink, or a smoke. Anything, really, to distract him from all of this.

He made a few steps towards David, resting his head on his shoulder.

“Tired?”, he asked kindly, and Matteo felt a bit better. Being near him, made everything less shitty.

Matteo leaned back, about to say something to him when saw David’s eyes subtly shifting to his right, where the door was. David looked back at him. Then, he hooked his fingers on the belt-loops of Matteo’s jeans, bringing him closer. Matteo was frozen in his spot. He couldn’t move. Whatever he wanted to say was forgotten. David started sliding his hands up his sides, slipping them under his shirt, resting them on his waist. David leaned in closer, nosing at his jaw, pressing a small kiss just below his ear. Matteo’s breath hitched.

“We are being watched”, David whispered. His voiced sent shivers down Matteo’s spine, “Act like you want me”, he added, a bit annoyed.

Right. They had to–, okay. 

Matteo rested his hands on David’s neck, bringing their faces closer to each other. His thumbs were stroking David’s jawline. David was looking intensely into his eyes, but he glanced down at his lips. He looked up back again, but his eyes kept dropping to Matteo’s mouth.

This was too much.

“Is it okay if I kiss you?”, David asked. _Oh my god, am I dreaming?_

Matteo nodded as he licked his lips and started slowly leaning in. However, David was impatient. One of his hands had found its way towards the back of Matteo’s head and he pulled him in, crashing their lips together.

Matteo could swear he stopped breathing.

It was just a kiss. A small, sweet kiss, just for show, to prove to whoever was watching them that they were together, that they did everything that other people in relationships did.

But, for Matteo, it was more than that. It wasn’t so simple. It never was.

After a couple of minutes, David pulled back and looked at the door again.

“He’s gone”, he said, but Matteo didn’t give a shit. He didn’t let go of David, who tilted his head, questioningly.

Matteo wanted to kiss him again.

He cupped David’s cheek with one hand, while the other rested on his hip. Matteo leaned in again, and David met him midway. It started off innocently enough. Matteo was already feeling lightheaded from the pressure of David’s lips against his, but then David pushed his tongue against the seam of Matteo’s mouth. He parted his lips and David licked into his mouth, brushing his tongue against Matteo’s.

This was too much.

Matteo gripped David’s shoulder to steady himself. His knees felt weak. He pressed himself against David, bringing their bodies even closer, pushing him against the sink. He shoved his knee, between David’s legs. David put his hands on Matteo’s waist, pulling him closer. Matteo gasped and David used to opportunity to press open-mouthed kisses down his neck. Matteo’s hand was in David’s hair, keeping him close. David cupped his face and pulled him for another deep kiss.

Matteo couldn’t think. He couldn’t get enough of David, couldn’t stop touching him, couldn’t stop kissing him. His entire body felt as if it was on fire. This was everything he ever wanted. David’s lips were soft, but his hands were rough, gripping his hips. It made Matteo lightheaded. He wanted more. He wanted to do this for the rest of his life. They had pulled apart again, but this time Matteo was the one kissing down David’s neck. He bit and sucked at his collarbones, trying to get David to make more of the soft, quiet noises escaping from his mouth.

He just wanted to get the boy in front of him alone in a room, with a bed preferably.

“All right, lovebirds, keep it PG, there are kids here”, at the voice of his cousin behind him, both of them sprung apart, as if they were burnt. Matteo looked at David. His hair was a mess, his cheeks were red, and his lips were swollen and pink. He wanted to kiss him again, mess him up even more.

Why did they stop again?

David hid his face in his palms. He looked mortified.

“Awww”, he heard Aurora exclaim, “You are adorable”. Oh, right. That’s why they stopped.

“Don’t worry, though”, she was right next to them, pouring herself a glass of water from the sink, unbothered, “This kitchen has seen worse. Luca has no self-control.” Matteo vaguely recalls seeing a girl’s bare chest for the first time in this exact kitchen when he was twelve.

This really was embarrassing. Matteo knew his face was red. She looked at both of them and laughed, pinching their cheeks.

“You guys are cute”, she took out her phone and looked at the time, “But you should start getting ready, Francesco is going to be here in an hour”, with a wink, she left.

Matteo couldn’t even look at David. What was he doing? Couldn’t he control himself for just two more days? David was still blushing and it made Matteo’s heart ache. Fuck. He really wanted to kiss him again.

“I’m, uh,” he couldn’t even speak coherently, “outside”, he gave up and pointed at the door. David understood what he meant and nodded.

Matteo quickly made his way to the narrow street that was behind his house. He slid down the wall to sit on the floor. He hid his face in his knees. How could he be so stupid? David knew now. He knew Matteo liked him. It was over.

In panic, he tried calling Amira, but apparently she was already talking to someone on the phone.

He got a text from her after a few seconds.

**From Coach:**

(19:02) Sorry, I can’t call you right now, but what’s up?

**To Coach:**

(19:03) i fucked up. i kissed david

(19:04) and now he knows I like him

(19:05) everything is ruined nw

**From Coach**:

(19:06) Did you tell him you like him?

(19:06) Like, directly?

**To Coach:**

(19:07) no, ofc not

(19:07) we just kissed, but

**From Coach:**

(19:09) I’m so tired.

**To Coach:**

(19:11) ????

**From Coach:**

(19:13) Matteo

(19:14) Listen to me. Everything is okay, nothing is ruined. David is still your friend. The kiss doesn’t change anything

(19:15) You are both stupid

(19:15) I have to go, but talk to him! Ignoring him won’t do any good. You don’t have to mention the kiss.

(19:16) Trust me, okay?

**To Coach:**

(19:16) thank u

Amira sent him a heart emoji as a response and Matteo smiled. It was rare for her to show any type of affection to him, but he knew she loved him. He spent a few more minutes outside, then he got back into the house. He ran into Luca, who was worried.

“Is everything okay?”, he asked.

“Yes?”, Matteo answered, but then he added, “Why?”

“I saw David talking on the phone. He looked very, uh, stressed, I think.”

“Uh, it’s probably his sister”, Matteo was as confused as Luca. Who was David talking to? And he was worried?

“Oh, okay”, Luca said, distractedly, “I left your T-shirts in the room”.

When he got into the room, David was done dressing up. He wore simple black jeans and the stupid T-shirt Luca had made with Stefano’s face on it. It was a light blue colour and David looked so good.

“Everything okay?”, David was the first to break the awkward silence between them.

“Yeah?”

“Are you answering or asking?”

“I don’t know”.

They were standing on the opposite sides of the bed. Matteo was clutching the shirt he was supposed to wear.

“We are good”, said David, a bit more certainly.

“We are good”, repeated after him Matteo. Right. No need to be dramatic about this. If David was okay with this, so was Matteo. They were good.

The surprise was going well. Stefano was supposed to come home in ten minutes, and he would see five of his closest friends, plus Matteo, David and Luca, wearing a T-shirt with his face on it. Francesco had brought a crown, just in case. They were going to pregame in a couple of bars before going to the main one, where the rest of Stefano’s friends were supposed to wait for them. Matteo wasn’t excited. Not one bit.

Francesco could be compared to an overly excited puppy. He and Stefano had practically grown up together. He was Stefano’s wingman, before they got together with Aurora, and would be his best man on the wedding.

“Ey, you must be Teo! The gay one!”, this was how Francesco greeted him. Matteo saw Luca cringing. “Your facebook post was really funny, man”, Francesco slapped his shoulder then pulled him into a hug, “Just so you know, it’s whatever, dude. You do you, you’ve got my support”. He pulled Matteo into another hug. After that his eyes landed on David.

“And who are you?”

“Uh, I’m Matteo’s boyfriend”, David answered and Francesco nodded enthusiastically.

“Nice to meet you!”, he said. David couldn’t say it back, because another guy came in yelling that _Stefano was here_. Francesco took the champagne bottle and settled near the door, waiting for the groom to come in.

After Stefano came in it was a blur of yelling and alcohol. They had quickly made their way to the first bar and did tequila shots. David’s face scrunched up in a very cute way and Matteo needed to do another one. He couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss. He knew, he shouldn’t make things awkward. Amira told him not to overthink it, but how could he not? David must know that Matteo kissed him, because he wanted to, not because they were being watched. How was he supposed to explain that?

But, David said it was fine, that they were good.

But, it was weird, wasn’t it?

But, David kissed him back.

Still, he shouldn’t have done it.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Matteo didn’t want to think. He _had_ to get drunk.

Matteo was sitting with Luca and one of Stefano’s friends, listening to them talk. He wanted to find David. He saw him on the dancefloor, with Francesco, dancing and laughing. They had neon paint on their cheeks. All of them did, actually, but it looked so nice on David. But, David looked nice either way.

Fuck, there was no way, he was dealing with this sober. Matteo couldn’t look away from the way David was moving his hips. This was unfair. Matteo could feel his cheeks getting warmer. David was dancing with Francesco. They were close to each other, too close.

He needed another drink.

They quickly made their way towards two more bars, but Matteo didn’t leave David’s side. He knew he was being clingy, but David didn’t mind. Or, he didn’t seemed to mind. However, it was difficult. David kept pressing close to him, kissing him on the back of his neck, on his cheeks, resting his hands on Matteo’s thighs. The more Matteo drank, the more he let himself lean into the touch_. Fuck it_, he thought. This was what they were supposed to do, because that’s what people in love did. They touched and kissed and...

Fuck, he really wanted to kiss David again.

He didn’t know how he would cope with not having him around after this was over.

Matteo took another shot, and suddenly he started thinking more clearly. _I should enjoy this, while I can_, he thought. _Whatever comes after this, doesn’t matter._

They finally got to the bar, where the rest of Stefano’s friends were. There were a lot of people, but it was actually fun. They had ordered a cake for Stefano, who Matteo thought was crying. His crown was almost falling off his head, his face was red, because of the alcohol and there was paint on his shirt. He looked happy, though.

They drank _a lot_. At some point Matteo even let himself be dragged to the dancefloor, to dance with David.

Which was a huge mistake.

There really were a lot of people, so they needed to stay very close to each other. David had his hands on Matteo’s hips, pulling him even closer, almost grinding on him. Matteo knew he was being awkward, but he couldn’t think. David was gorgeous. His eyes were dark and half-open, the paint on his cheeks was almost gone, revealing how red they were. But the thing Matteo was most fixated on was his lips, how they turned when he smiled or laughed.

“Are you having fun?”, slurred David in his ear. For some reason he was talking in Italian, with his cute accent. He wrapped his arms around Matteo’s shoulders and laughed again.

It was no use. It didn’t matter how much he drank, he still wanted to kiss David.

“I really want to kiss you now”, said Matteo. David stopped moving, his eyes widened. Matteo realised what he just said. Before he could start properly panicking, David grabbed his face to bring him closer and kissed him. Matteo could hear Francesco catcalling them. He rested his hands on David’s hips, and just as he was about to try push his tongue into David’s mouth, the boy leaned back.

It was fine. He could say that this was just for show. It was fine. They were pretending.

David grabbed his hand and started walking towards the door. _No need to panic_, Matteo thought, _you can explain. It was to pretend. Nothing more. _

They finally made their way outside, but David kept pulling him, until they were standing in a small empty street, behind the bar. He was about to open his mouth, to explain, that _David, I thought it would be a good idea to do it, since you know, we are pretending, so I tried to make it seem more real and_-

But, he couldn’t say anything, because David pushed him against the wall, kissing him within an inch of his life.

_Who are we pretending for, now?_


	4. four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to thank you for your lovely comments! you are the best!

Matteo was sure there was no way this was real life. Perhaps, he had too much to drink, and was now passed out on the floor, dreaming that David had him pinned against a wall, with his hands under his shirt, and his lips on his neck. It wouldn’t be anything new, really. Matteo was used to dreams like this, it happens, when you’ve liked your best friend for almost two years. But then, David bit down on his neck, and, yeah, maybe this was real.

Fuck, this was everything he ever wanted, but Matteo was terrified. What would happen next? What would happen when eventually they stopped? Would they talk about it? Matteo hoped not, because he had no idea what to tell David. Actually, he had, but saying “_I really like this, do you want to keep doing it as my boyfriend_” was not exactly appropriate. David pressed closer to him, and Matteo just stopped thinking. _I’ll deal with this tomorrow._

David had pulled away from him, grinning. His face was red and his lips were swollen. Matteo was breathing heavily, trying to gather his thoughts. David cupped his cheeks and pressed small kisses on his forehead, nose and lips.

“We should head back”, he said, still smiling. He had made a small step out of Matteo’s space.

“Why?”, Matteo knew that this was his only chance, and because of that he wanted to enjoy it as much as he can. David laughed at him, shaking his head.

“It’s kind of rude to ditch them like this”, he nodded towards the bar behind them, but David had stepped into Matteo’s space again, his hands on the crook oh his neck, making small circles with his thumbs.

“Who cares?”, Matteo was grateful for the liquor courage. He rested his hands on David’s hips and leaned in to kiss him again.

“Ey, we are heading back”, someone shouted at them. David let go of him immediately, looking at the side, at the person who was yelling at them. Matteo was a bit annoyed. He threw his head back, hitting the wall, and turned to see Francesco smirking at them.

“Aurora’s home. Time for _la serenata_”, Matteo didn’t know if he should feel embarrassed or angry that they were interrupted. David looked at him questioningly.

“You’ll see”, whispered at him Matteo.

“Let’s go”, Francesco winked at them and started walking. They were alone again. David ran a hand through his hair, attempting to fix it. He gave up quickly, thought. He looked at Matteo, smiling shyly, and reached out to take his hand.

“We have to go”, he said softly. He looked so happy. Was it because of Matteo?

“No, we don’t”, Matteo pulled him closer, burying his head in the crook of David’s neck, pressing his lips on his collarbone. He suddenly felt very tired. It was a long day. First the stupid argument with his father, the talk with Eleonora and now _this_.

David stepped back, but he was still holding Matteo’s hand. He started pulling him, so they could join the others.

The walk back home was too long, and too crowded. Luca didn’t stop wiggling his eyebrows at them, but it made David blush, and he looked good with his cheeks so red, so Matteo put up with his cousin’s antics.

David was literally dragging him through the streets, as Matteo felt too tired to walk. A lot of things were running through his head.

He felt like he could cry any moment. It was mostly because of the amount of alcohol, but also because everything that happened.

He wanted this so much. He wanted to walk around while holding David’s hand, to kiss him whenever he wanted, to go on dates together, to wake up in his arms. He had wanted this for so long, and now, when he finally got to feel it, he didn’t know how he could cope with letting go. How was he supposed to fall asleep alone in his apartment in Berlin? How was he supposed to be just friends with David after all of this? It was easy to ignore his feelings, but too much had happened. The worst part was because he didn’t know what David thought about all of this. Perhaps, he was just playing the role of Matteo’s boyfriend, but.

But, why did he kiss him when no one was around?

They were finally in front of the house. The musicians were already there. They stood closer to the house, along with Stefano, while the others stepped back a bit. They started with _Bella by Jovanotti _and what Stefano lacked in talent, he made up in enthusiasm. After a couple of seconds Aurora appeared by the window, laughing. Bella’s head was also visible, but Eleonora probably had pulled her aside.

Honestly, Stefano shouldn’t sing, ever, but it was all very sweet. All of the guests were laughing along. Aurora wasn’t laughing as much, though, she looked like she was on the verge of tears. She was looking at Stefano with a fond smile on her face. 

Matteo looked at David. He seemed to be having a lot of fun. He was clapping alone and laughing, also singing some parts he had caught on. As if sensing Matteo staring at him, David turned towards him, grinning even more, stepping behind him, so he could wrap his hands around Matteo’s shoulders, leaning his head on Matteo’s, after pressing a small kiss just above his ear.

Matteo couldn’t do this anymore. Every time he thought it was useless, that David didn’t like him like that, David did something that gave him hope. Matteo had to know for sure. Maybe he needed to be rejected in order to move on.

Aurora was now crying and laughing at the same time. Eleonora had put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Stefano had gotten his hands on a guitar and was doing his best to play and sing. It was loud, because of the instruments and because everyone was either singing or shouting. Matteo could feel David’s hot breath on the back of his neck. He had to make sure. Aurora yelled out something and everyone cheered. They even started clapping, while Stefano was saying something back. Nobody was looking at them

Matteo needed to make sure.

Matteo turned towards David, cupping his face and kissed him. After a couple of seconds David kissed him back, wrapping his arms around his waist. They pulled apart and David smiled at him. He was beautiful.

_I hope this ends well._

“I like you”, Matteo whispered, despite the noise around them, “I really, really like you”.

But, David wasn’t smiling anymore. He was shocked. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, trying to say something, but he couldn’t.

Well. This wasn’t going as planned.

David frowned and Matteo regretted everything. Everyone had gotten inside. They were the only ones left.

“Let’s go inside”, David said after a couple of minutes.

Aurora’s and Stefano’s family were in the house, so it was very crowded. There was a lot of music and food, but Matteo wasn’t feeling very festive. He lost David in the crowd, but he didn’t really try to find him. He mostly stuck to Francesco and another friend of Stefano. He caught his aunt looking at him a couple of times, with a small frown and sad eyes. He couldn’t deal with this. He made his way to the bathroom, but as he passed Luca and Eleonora’s room, he could hear his father and Luca arguing.

“Zio, please, you’re going to upset Aurora”, Luca pleaded.

“I’m sorry, but this is unnatural. Did you see them outside?”, he then said something Matteo didn’t quite catch, but it was about the fact that he saw them kissing.

“So what?”, Luca sounded even more annoyed.

“I just can’t accept this.”

_Fuck this_. Matteo made his way towards the bathroom, locking himself there, waiting for the celebrations to stop, while he tried not to cry.

It was four am and Matteo had sent at least thirty panicked texts to Amira. This was it. His friendship with David was over, because Matteo couldn’t keep his stupid mouth shut. Matteo spent a lot of time locked in the bathroom during which he managed to overthink everything that happened. He concluded that he was a terrible person to use David like this, and David probably hated him and he had ruined everything. At around three am, everyone had already gone to bed, or had left and he emerged, only to go to the dining room. He saw Francesco and another friend of Stefano there. Matteo hung out with them. Well, he was just sitting on the table while they talked, but whatever. Soon, though, they said they were going to bed, but Matteo stayed at the table. Unfortunately, he had sobered up. He briefly thought about rummaging the cabinets in the kitchen to look for more alcohol, but he couldn’t make himself get up. He just stayed at the table, regretting everything.

Matteo banged his head against the table. He was about to do it again, but his phone went off. Amira was calling him.

“What happened?”, she asked. She sounded tired.

“Did I wake you up?”, he should definitely stop wasting her time with his shit.

“No. What happened?”, Amira repeated, sounding a bit more awake.

“I told David”, he said. Fuck, he really was going to cry.

“And?”

“Nothing”, he rubbed his eyes with his hand.

“What do you mean nothing?”

“We were walking home from Stefano’s bachelor party, and before we got into the house, I told him, but he… he just said ‘let’s go inside’”, this was so stupid. He was twenty years old and he was about to cry over a boy.

Not any boy, though. It was David, one of the most important people in his life. And all of that was gone.

Amira was silent for a couple of seconds. He thought he could hear a door closing, before she started talking again.

“Did you talk after that?”, she sounded distressed.

“No, I didn’t even see him after that”, he rested his head on the tabled, pillowing it with his other hand, the one that was not holding the phone, “Everything is fucked now.”

“Matteo, no”, Amira’s voice was soothing, “something like this won’t ruin your friendship with David. Listen, go to sleep now, and try talking with him tomorrow. I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.”

“I don’t think it is”, he appreciated what she was trying to do, but he didn’t need any more false hope.

“Just, give him time”, Amira sighed, “Right now, the only thing you need to do is to go to sleep.”

“Alright”, how could he sleep, though? But, he didn’t want to keep her up anymore, so he wished her good night.

“Everything is going to be okay, Matteo”, and they hung up.

Matteo didn’t move from his spot.

At some point he had fallen asleep. He thought he saw his aunt entering the room, but he wasn’t so sure. He was awake now, and he realised there was a blanket thrown over his shoulders. Weird. And that his neck hurt because of the uncomfortable position he was in. He also had a headache that was getting worse because of Bella’s crying.

“Bella, I said no”, said firmly Eleonora from somewhere behind him, but the little girl didn’t stop crying.

“Mama, please”, Matteo felt uncomfortable listening to her. He felt so bad for her. He turned around. Eleonora and Bella were in the living room. Nora had her arms crossed in front of her chest, with a frown on her face. Bella was rubbing her teary eyes, while clutching something in her small fists.

“What’s wrong, Bella?”, he asked. His voice was raspy. He had startled them, because they jumped when he spoke. They hadn’t noticed him.

Eleonora was looking at Matteo, confused, but Bella wasted no time in walking towards him, while crying.

“Mama won’t”, she couldn’t explain, though, because she was hiccupping. Matteo felt his heart breaking. He hated it when someone cried, and it was worse if it was a child.

“She wants to paint my nails, but it won’t happen”, Eleonora went to the sink, pulling a glass from the cabinet above it and poured water in it. She placed the glass in front of Matteo, “Did you sleep here?”

Matteo ignored her question, but thanked her for the water. Oh, so she wasn’t the one that brought him the blanket. He drank all of it. His niece started crying again and it made him feel worse.

“You can paint my nails, Bella”, he said to his nieces. He just wanted her to stop crying. She looked up at him from her place next to his chair. She sniffled.

“Really?”

Matteo picked her up, placing her to sit on the table and stretched out his hand towards her.

“Yeah, really”, she wasn’t crying anymore. Bella took his hand and put it on the table, next to her legs. She opened the nail polish and started working, with a small frown on her face.

Eleonora was still there, but Matteo didn’t look at her. 

“I guess you had fun?”, she poked at the bruise on his neck, he tried his best not to flinch. Fuck. Then she poured him another glass of water. He thanked her again. Slowly, everything that had happened yesterday night came back to him. _Fuck this_. He took his phone, checking his messages, just so he didn’t have to look at her. It was seven am. Everyone was probably still sleeping.

“Okay”, Eleonora said, “We are all going to head out after two hours. You and David have suits, right?” Matteo felt his chest tightening when she said David’s name.

“Yeah”, his voice was barely a whisper. He really wished she would leave. Eleonora put a comforting hand on his shoulder. After a couple of seconds, she walked to one of the cabinets to take some medicine and placed it in front of Matteo. She left without another word.

Matteo leaned back and watched Bella painting his nails. The colour was neon purple. It would match his tie.

Matteo felt numb, a familiar heaviness settling on his chest. He fucked up with David, and he would have to deal with his family. His grandmother would probably be the worst. He thought back to all the nasty messages he had received from her. It was fine until now, because he had David, but he just had to go and ruin it. He wouldn’t be surprised if David wanted to go home earlier. Fuck. Maybe it was for good. Maybe Matteo just didn’t deserve to be happy.

But, what would happen when they were back in Berlin? Could he ask David to forget all of this and move on like nothing had happened?

He really needed a smoke.

“Zio?”, Bella had stopped. She was holding his hand, looking at him with sad eyes. Matteo realised a couple of tears had rolled down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them with the sleeve of his T-shirt.

“Are you done with this hand?”, he asked as he stretched out his other one. Bella looked at him for a couple of seconds, and then she started working again.

“Did you and zio David have a fight?”, she asked.

Matteo chuckled, “Yeah. Something like that”. Bella pouted. She looked like she was in deep thought.

“When me and Elia have a fight, he brings me flowers”, she said, “You should give flowers to zio David.”

Matteo offered her a small smile. She was so precious.

“What if it’s your fault?”, he teased.

“It’s never my fault”, she answered promptly, “Boys are stupid.”

Well, she wasn’t wrong. Matteo was really fucking stupid.

After a couple more minutes she was done. Matteo inspected her work. It wasn’t that bad. There was a lot of nail polish on his fingers, but overall it was pretty good.

“We match now”, Bella stretched out her own hands to show her purple nails.

“It looks really nice”, Matteo froze when he heard David’s voice behind him. Bella’s face lit up when she saw him, and she reached out, so he would hug her. David stood next to Matteo’s chair, picking her up.

“Your father is looking for you”, David said as he let her down, “You should go to him”.

Bella nodded and made her way out of the room.

David sat on the other side of the table, in front of Matteo. Matteo couldn’t look at him.

“Did you sleep here?”, asked him David, but he didn’t answer.

They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a couple of minutes, but then David spoke up.

“Do you,” he sounded so uncertain. It pained Matteo to see him like this. “Do you remember what happened yesterday?”

Matteo sighed.

“Yeah.”

“Did you mean it?” That made Matteo look up at David.

He could lie. He could say that he was very drunk, that he got caught up in the moment, that he didn’t know why he said those things. He could lie and fix this.

But he didn’t want to. He needed an answer, even if it’s not the one he wanted. Matteo looked down to his lap, where his hands were resting. He felt a bit calmer, when he saw the purple nail polish.

“Yes.”

David huffed out a laugh.

“Oh god”, David was laughing now, and Matteo didn’t know how to react. David got up, and walked to Matteo, sitting on the chair next to him.

“Amira is a fucking saint”, he said while shaking his head. Matteo was confused and a bit irritated. He straightened up and looked away from David. But then, the boy next to him caught his chin and forced Matteo to look at him.

“I really like you, too”, said David. He was grinning.

_Am I hallucinating? _

“What?”, he asked, because he didn’t know what else to say. David liked him, too?

“I said, I like you”, David didn’t stop grinning. He had cupped Matteo’s face, resting his forehead on Matteo’s.

“Why?”

David laughed.

“Why? How is that even a question?”, he said, while chuckling, “How could I not?”

Matteo was sure this was a dream. There was no way David, the man of his dreams, would say something like that to him.

As if sensing Matteo’s hesitation, David leaned in a bit, pressing his lips to Matteo’s. He pulled back after a couple of seconds.

“I really like you”, he repeated.

“But,” Matteo had to make sure, “You _like_ like me?”. David raised his eyebrow at him.

“Are you twelve?”, David smiled, “Yes, I _like_ like you.”

“But”, Matteo couldn’t believe what was happening, “Why did you… Why did you leave?”

David leaned back, out of Matteo’s space. He bit his lip and looked down at his lap.

“Just”, he sighed, “we were pretty drunk and I didn’t know if you meant it.”

David looked at him again.

“I was so happy when you said it, but it was just too good to be true.”

He took Matteo’s hands in his.

“But, I did mean it”, Matteo assured him, and intertwined their fingers.

“Sorry, for leaving you like this”, David said with a small smile. Matteo squeezed his hands.

“It’s okay.”

They spent a few minutes just smiling at each other. David huffed out a laugh.

“So”.

“So”, mirrored Matteo and laughed. _Oh god, this is real._

“What do we do now?”

“I don’t know.”

They laughed again. Matteo felt giddy, like he was floating. David bit his lip again, looking at him under his eyelashes. Matteo really wanted to kiss him.

Oh.

He could now.

Matteo leaned in a bit, his gaze dropping to David’s lips. David smiled and tilted his head, closing his eyes. _This is unreal._

“Whose idea was it to have the dumb bachelor party the night before the wedding?”,, Stefano had stormed into the kitchen, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. Luca was close behind him, looking just as exhausted.

David and Matteo had broken apart, but they were still close. Stefano was right next to them, reaching for the medicine and Matteo’s glass of water. His hand was right between their faces and they pulled back completely.

“I’m dying”, Lucas whined, flopping down right next to Matteo.

“Yeah, same”, Stefano sat down next to David.

Matteo and David looked at each other, and they couldn’t help but smile. David took Matteo’s hand, kissing his wrist, before quickly getting up.

“I’ll get you more water”, he said as he ruffled Stefano’s hair. Matteo was now full on grinning.

“Do you guys want breakfast?”, he asked as he also got up. Stefano and Luca made a weird noise that Matteo took as a _yes._

“I’ll make you pasta alla Luigi”, Matteo was pretty sure he was skipping towards the sink.

“Why are you so happy?”

Breakfast was chaotic. Half of his family plus some of Stefano’s friends that slept over were terribly hungover. But that didn’t stop them from shouting and yelling and just being overall too loud. Usually, Matteo would have felt annoyed, but right now everything was just a background noise, he could barely hear. David was sitting opposite him and they were playing footsies. He kicked David a bit harder than he intended and the boy glared at him. But, Matteo just stuck out his tongue. _This is what you signed up for_, he thought. And then, David smirked at him, kicking him even harder.

“Ow”, Matteo scowled.

“What are you doing?”, Aurora was looking at them, but they paid no attention to her. Matteo was trying to kick David again, but he had trapped his leg between both of his.

“Guys”, she tried again, but Matteo didn’t seem to notice her. David, on the other hand, seemed to have loosen his grip. _Big mistake._ Matteo was about to kick him, but Aurora pinched his arm to get his attention.

“What?”

“Did you not listen at all?”, she frowned at him. His father was also frowning, along with Martina. His aunt, though, didn’t even look at him.

Right. They still had things to do. But.

But, Matteo was so close to what he wanted. He wished they were back in Berlin already, so they could, talk properly, as it would be impossible to do so on his cousin’s wedding day. 

“Sorry”, apologised David with a small smile. Matteo just pouted. Aurora sighed.

Probably for the first time in his life, Matteo volunteered to do the dishes, just so he could catch a couple of minutes alone with David. Unfortunately, David was dragged away by Bella the minute they were done with the dishes. Eleonora and Francesco came to help him, but he still pouted the entire time.

After too much time, in Matteo’s opinion, he managed to get David alone. After they were done with the dishes, Matteo was roped into a discussion about the wedding and the sitting arrangements, while David had to take care of Roberto and Bella. After everything was done, though, they were alone in the living room.

Finally.

They were standing in the middle of it. Facing each other. _Ugh, this is awkward._ But, he still felt so light and giddy inside. Like his heart had grown three times in size. His face hurt from smiling. David also looked happy. He was grinning, his cheeks were red and his eyes were shining.

“Hi”, he said and laughed.

“Hi”, responded Matteo. He was pretty sure he had to get something from the living room for Aurora, but he didn’t really care right now.

“Hi”, repeated David, but this time both of them laughed. David looked down as he made a step towards Matteo, getting a hold of his hands. When he looked up he was biting his lip and smiling.

“So”, Matteo started, but David shook his head.

“We’ll talk about it later”, he whispered almost against his lips. Matteo squeezed his hands, leaning in, their upper lips almost touching, when a loud thud startled them. They looked at the door, leading to the hallway, where Martina was standing with a bag near her legs. Giovanni was there, too. Both of them looking at Matteo and David with wide eyes.

Matteo was about to ignore them and continue whatever David and he were doing, but then he heard his aunt screaming.

“Why are you still here?”, he could hear her from somewhere in the house.

“Mama, calm down, we still have-”, Aurora sounded annoyed.

“We don’t have time!”, yelled again his aunt, “We are leaving, now!”

After that it was chaos. God, Matteo hated weddings.

He and David got separated, as his family had decided that David was from Stefano’s side, and Matteo from Aurora’s. They were rushed into different water taxis, after they had time only to grab their suits, and were currently in different wings of the hotel, where the wedding would be taking place. Matteo wondered if this was a way in which his aunt and father could ‘hide’ their relationship, but he didn’t really care. It was useless. David and Matteo always found each other.

Honestly, it wasn’t _that_ bad. David was being really cute while texting him, with messages like “i cant believe we r separated :((( ”, which made Matteo feel a bit better.

He didn’t really have time to just think about the fact that, _David liked him back_. He still couldn’t believe it. He was a bit scared that David was going to change his mind, that he was just caught up in the whole boyfriend act, and when they got back to Berlin, all of this would end. But, there was no point in worrying about it today.

Matteo could say that despite the lack of David around him, he would have been having fun, if it wasn’t for the constant bickering between Aurora and her mom. They didn’t stop during the entire ride to the hotel, which was an hour. They didn’t stop even when they got into the hotel, or when Aurora was having her makeup and hair done. Her makeup artist had kicked out his aunt, just to make them both shut up and do his work. Stefano was in no better state, judging by David’s text messages. Apparently, he wanted to talk to Aurora, but their family would literally kill them if they tried. So, they had to tie him to a chair with their ties. Matteo saved the picture he got from David on his phone. He looked at Aurora, who was almost done. Eleonora was also in the room, but they weren’t talking. After the makeup artist finished, he left.

“I can’t do this”, said Aurora while looking at her reflection. Matteo was a bit concerned, but Eleonora looked calm.

“It’s going to be fine”, she said without looking away from her phone.

“No”, Aurora reached for her phone on the dressing table, her hands were shaking, “I feel like we are going to jinx this. I don’t actually want to get married.”

Eleonora sighed.

“At this point I don’t think even God himself could separate you two”, Matteo tried to help, really. But, his cousin still looked on the verge of tears. He was also panicking. Why was he even panicking? It’s not him that was getting married.

“I want to see him”, Aurora suddenly got up. Eleonora grabbed her hand before she could leave.

“I’ll let you handle it”, Matteo said and quickly got out of the room.

He didn’t really understand how Aurora could doubt this. She and Stefano were together for eight years. They had been through everything. And yet.

It made him think about him and David. What they had was good. What if they ruin it by getting into a relationship? What if they break up horribly? What if it was better for them to stay friends? It was better to have this, rather than not have David at all in his life. Hell, Matteo was in love with him! What if David thought they were going too fast? Were they even together? They said they liked each other, but then what?

Matteo rubbed his face with his hands. Maybe this was a mistake. Matteo shouldn’t have said anything. He wanted to talk to David. Matteo walked around the hotel, assuring himself that he wasn’t lost. He decided to turn in a random hallway, but he saw his father, Martina, and his grandmother. _Fuck no._

He turned around walking in the opposite direction, he heard someone calling his name. It was Leonardo - Aurora’s father, his uncle.

He was never really close to his uncle, as Leonardo had to travel a lot for his work. During the summers when Matteo was in Italy, he was usually somewhere else. However, Matteo remembered him as a calm, kind man that would buy milk for the stray cats in front of their house in Rome. He used to send Matteo’s mother postcards from the different countries he visited, as he knew she liked to collect them. He always sent candy to Matteo, too. They hadn’t spoken in a while.

“Zio”, Matteo had turned and he saw the man a few meters behind him, “Hi, it’s nice to see you”.

Leonardo smiled at him and gestured to Matteo to follow him.

“You’ve grown so much!” He ruffled Matteo’s hair. Despite his uncle’s warm demeanour, Matteo was tense. He must know about Matteo’s, as his father had put it, ‘facebook stunt’.

But, he didn’t say anything about it. They walked around just talking. His uncle asked him what has been happening with him, about university, how his mom was doing. Pretty standard things.

They had sat on one of the couches in the lobby, looking at the people walking around. One of the few memories Matteo had with his uncle was just sitting in a park, eating ice cream and watching his cousins play. He couldn’t join them, because he had broken his wrist, but his uncle kept him company. It felt a bit nostalgic.

“I heard you’ve brought someone with you”, Leonardo broke the silence. _Here it comes_, Matteo thought.

“Yeah, my”, he took a deep breath, “my boyfriend.”

His uncle nodded.

“Well, where is he?”, he asked.

“With Stefano, I think.”

“How long have you been together?”, Matteo tried to remember what they had told his family.

“Uh, around six months.”

“A long time”, his uncle teased, “are we expecting another wedding soon?”

“No!” Matteo blushed. He was a bit taken aback at his uncle’s calm reaction.

“Don’t be like Aurora and wait for eight years”, his uncle shook his head fondly.

“I don’t think anyone is looking forward to me getting married”, mumbled quietly Matteo. Leonardo looked at him, his eyes filled with sadness. He put a hand on his shoulder.

“Your aunt loves you very much”, he said, “Much more than you think. But, you know how she gets.”

Matteo did know, but it still hurt.

“She can be very harsh. Give her time”, his uncle pulled him closer to give him a side hug, “You’ll see she’ll come around soon enough.”

Matteo’s chest started tightening. He leaned a bit more into the hug, glad that there was someone else that accepted him.

“You’ll see she’ll start bugging you for a wedding, too”, at that Matteo huffed out a laugh. His uncle squeezed his shoulder, and then pointed at someone coming towards them, “Is that him?”

Matteo turned to where his uncle was pointing and he could swear his heart stopped. David had gotten into his suit, and he looked gorgeous. The dark navy colour of the pants complemented his skin quite nicely. He wasn’t wearing a blazer, and had rolled the sleeves of his shirt, showing off his arms. He hadn’t taken off his nose ring. Matteo needed a moment.

David was trying to fix his tie, so he hadn’t seen them yet.

“Yeah”, Matteo finally got a grip, “That’s him”.

David finally looked up, smiling when he saw Matteo. He was now right in front of them, introducing himself to his uncle. Leonardo had gotten up and they were having a small talk, while Matteo was just staring at David. Was it possible to miss someone even if they were right in front of you?

“Where is your stupid daughter?”, his aunt was yelling while approaching them. Her hair was half done, it was still in Velcro rollers. Honestly, Matteo felt a bit scared and he could see David tensing up, but his uncle just smiled fondly.

“What happened?”, he asked calmly, while Benedetta was angrily talking mostly to herself.

“She had to be putting on the dress right now, but we can’t find her”, his aunt sighed, “Why does she always have to make things so difficult?”

Matteo and Leonardo smirked. It was easy to guess after whom Aurora took after.

“Honey, you also should be getting ready”, Leonardo put his hands on Benedetta’s shoulders, massaging them gently, “the boys will look for her and will bring her back.”

His aunt looked at them and Matteo felt a bit nervous. She didn’t say anything, though, she just turned and started walking. His uncle offered them a reassuring smile and followed her.

They were alone, and Matteo started feeling all floaty again.

“Why aren’t you ready?”, David asked as he stepped in front of Matteo. He was still trying to fix his tie. Matteo pulled his hands away from his neck, and untied… whatever David had been trying to do. Matteo just shrugged, realising that it would have been a good idea to get changed sooner, but oh well. He tied David’s tie and pressed his hands against David’s chest.

“You look nice”, he mumbled. David beamed at him and Matteo felt his heart stuttering in his chest.

“Thanks”, he had put his hands over Matteo’s, “We should look for Aurora and Stefano. That’s why I came here actually”, he stepped back, but he took a hold of one of Matteo’s hands, pulling him towards the stairs, “Luca is freaking out”.

If Matteo had to be completely honest, he didn’t really want to go look for them. He wanted to pull David somewhere private where they could talk and sort out what _this_ was, so he could maybe calm down. Or, you know, do something else. David was gorgeous. The formal attire was really doing it for him.

Frist, they went into the room Matteo was in earlier, so he could change. His suit was grey, and it was one of Luca’s because Matteo just couldn’t be bothered to buy one. He blushed when he saw David looking him, blatantly checking him out. Eleonora, Bella and Roberto were also in the room, unfortunately. Matteo realised he wouldn’t be able to talk to David properly soon.

They walked around, mostly just shoving each other and play fighting rather than looking. It calmed Matteo a bit. It was like nothing had changed between them. Still, he had to talk to him. David suddenly pulled him closer and kissed him. Matteo melted into the touch. After they broke apart, Matteo immediately missed the contact. David wanted to lean in again to kiss him, but Matteo turned his head.

“What’s wrong?”

“Are we”, Matteo couldn’t understand how David could be so calm, “are we together?”

David looked surprised. Not the reaction he expected. He was about to take it back, or, just say anything, when from the corner of his eye he could see someone approaching them. He turned and saw his grandmother, accompanied by Martina. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He grabbed David’s had and started pulling him into the opposite direction.

“Matteo!”, yelled after him his grandma, “Come back here, right now!” Fuck, no.

Matteo didn’t really know where they exactly were. This hotel was like a labyrinth. They found themselves in a deserted hallway and Matteo leaned on the wall to catch his breath. David looked at him amused.

“Fuck off, not everyone is as athletic as you”, David just shook his head fondly. Matteo slide down the wall, so he was sitting on the floor and after a couple of minutes David joined him.

“Do you want us to be together?”, he asked. What kind of question was that?

“Of course”, Matteo huffed.

“I want that, too”, he turned to David who just smiled at him.

“You piss me off so much”, Matteo said, annoyed.

“What the hell?”

“Why can’t you never just answer my questions? You always look so surprised, I get worried I’ve got it all wrong.”

“I assumed we are together! I didn’t know you didn’t see it like.”

“You just- what the fuck? What was the whole ‘we’ll talk about it later’ thing then?”

“There are some things I want to tell you, but we could do that _later_. I thought it was obvious?”

Matteo pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath.

“So, we are together?”, he asked, but couldn’t help, but smile.

“Yes, if that’s what you want. Because it’s what I want”, David also smile at him.

“Okay. Good.”

“Wonderful.”

“Amazing.”

“Splendid.”

They both started laughing. This whole thing was very stupid, but oddly enough it fit them.

After they calmed down, Matteo turned to David, cupping his face in his hands, and leaned in to kiss him. David closed the remaining distance between their lips, quickly.

_This is it, this is what I’ve always wanted. _Kissing David was probably one of the best things that happened to him. He doesn’t think he would ever get over the way his heart started beating faster, or how he felt like his stomach is full of butterflies, no matter how cliché it sounded. Matteo tried to deepen the kiss, but David pulled back.

“What?”, he pouted, and David just laughed at him.

“We really have to find Stefano and Aurora”, Matteo scoffed, he was about to pull David for another kiss, but he got up, “Let’s go, let’s go”. David dragged him up.

Matteo was going to force him to carry him, when he glanced out of one of the windows in the hallway and saw Stefano and Aurora.

They were sitting on a bench in the garden, facing opposite directions, with their backs to each other. They looked calm and happy. Stefano said something and Aurora laughed. She was holding a… wait, was that-

“Are they smoking?”, David asked amused. Whatever she was holding wasn’t thin enough to be a cigarette. _Oh my god._

David and Matteo quickly made their way towards them. Matteo wanted to scare them, but Stefano had seen them approaching. He whispered a quick, _oh shit_, before trying to hide the joint somewhere, but it was too late. Matteo snatched it from him, placing it in his mouth with a grin.

“What are you doing?”, he asked after he had taken a drag.

“There is no way we are making it through this wedding while sober”, explained Aurora as she reached for the joint, but Matteo passed it to David.

“Isn’t it bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?”, David teased, but Stefano just rolled his eyes.

“I’m not looking at her, am I?”

“Where did you even get this?”

“Giovanni”, they answered at the same time. The said boy was walking towards them.

“Hey, they are looking for- oh, uh, hi”, he had just noticed Matteo and David. He looked extremely uncomfortable. Matteo didn’t really care, but David had decided to spare them the awkwardness. He reached for Stefano, pulling him up.

“Luca is going to have a heart attack if we don’t go back now, he said something about your mother finding out?”, Stefano just groaned as a response. He closed his eyes, turning to press a small kiss to Aurora’s cheek before following David.

“Zia is really angry”, said Matteo as he took another drag. God, he missed this.

“When isn’t she?” Aurora huffed and got up. She took one last drag from the joint and gave it back to Matteo. After that it was just him and Giovanni.

_This is awkward_. 

Matteo sat down at the bench, but Giovanni just stayed up. He was shifting his weight from one foot to the other, his hands in his pockets, not looking at Matteo. Matteo pitied him.

“Do you want?”, he gestured to the joint in his hand that was almost finished, but Giovanni shook his head.

“I’m good, thanks”, he turned to the side, showing a joint placed behind his ear. There was an awkward silence after that. Matteo didn’t get it. It was not like he was forcing him to stay. Why was he still here? He looked at his… step-brother, _god this is weird. _Giovani really looked nervous, like he wanted to say something to him.

“What is it?”, bluntly asked Matteo. Giovanni was startled.

“I, uh,”, he ran a hand through his hair, messing it up a bit, “I just wanted to, uh”. Matteo actually felt bad for him, Giovanni was trembling.

“How do you deal with this?”, Matteo was a bit confused. He wasn’t sure what Giovanni was trying to ask him.

“With what?”, was he talking about the wedding? It’s not Matteo that was getting married, he didn’t have to deal with anything, except for-

“With your, I mean, our family not being”, Giovanni wasn’t looking at him, “very accepting of you and…”, he didn’t finish. He was staying completely still. Matteo was so surprised he didn’t say anything at first. After a couple of seconds Giovanni added quietly, “Isn’t it easier to just pretend?”

Matteo thought about two years ago, when he was ‘dating’ Sara, when he tried his best to pretend, to ignore his feelings, just so he could fit in.

“No, it’s really not”, he extinguished the joint. He wasn’t qualified for this. He couldn’t handle closeted kids. He wished Hans was here, or, at least that Giovanni would find his own Hans.

“It’s not, like, I’m alone”, Matteo added after a couple of seconds. It took him a while to realise it, but he knew for sure now.

“You have David”, remarked the younger boy. Matteo blushed. He did have David now, for real.

“Yeah, but I also have Luca, Eleonora, Stefano, Aurora”, he smiled, “and my friends in Berlin”.

Giovanni didn’t say anything. Matteo pitied him. He knew what it was like to feel like this. He patted awkwardly Giovanni’s back.

“There will be always someone who’ll accept you for who you are”, the boy looked at Matteo with wide eyes. As bad as it sounded Matteo just wanted to be over with this uncomfortable situation.

Though, he couldn’t just leave him like this.

Matteo took out his phone, “Here. Text yourself from my phone, so you have my number. And”, he truly envied David’s social skills, “if you need anything or if you want to talk to someone, you can, uh, message me”. Giovanni did what he was told, although, a bit uncertainly.

When they parted Matteo felt incredibly embarrassed. But, after a couple of seconds, he got a text from Giovanni: _thank you, _and he felt a bit better.

The wedding was nice, really nice actually. Stefano had started crying the minute he saw Aurora walking towards him. She really looked beautiful. Their vows were touching, even if they contained a lot of jokes. Matteo felt like he was about to cry when he saw his aunt and his uncle crying, but a teasing poke from David reminded him to keep it together. Francesco’s speech was hilarious, honestly, and he actually had fun dancing with David during the after party. He hadn’t even noticed the nasty glares he got from some of his family members. What surprised him was that his aunt Ludovica had smile warmly at him, despite the fact that she never really paid any attention to him before. Luca and Eleonora made sure nobody really could say anything bad to them, they watched them like hawks.

For example, he and David were talking near the dancefloor, when he saw Giulia, one of his father’s cousins, making her way towards him. She looked furious and he recalled how she hadn’t stopped messaging him for two months straight after he came out. He was about to tell David to make a run for it, but suddenly in front of them appeared Eleonora, who greeted warmly the woman approaching them.

“Giulia! How nice it is to see you,” she had caught her arm, pulling her away from Matteo and David, who were just staring, dumbfounded. His aunt struggled a bit against Eleonora’s grip.

“Eleonora, darling, can-”, but Nora wasn’t giving her any chance.

“How is the divorce going? I think I saw Lorenzo with his new girlfriend. She looked very young”, and with that they were gone. David and Matteo looked at each other and started laughing.

So, in result, Matteo was having fun. At some point they had sneaked out to make out, but then Luca texted them that there was cake, and well. Matteo really liked sweet things. They watched as Stefano and Aurora cut the cake and then made a mess of it. He saw his aunt rolling her eyes fondly, even if Aurora was ruining the expensive dress she was wearing.

And, the cake was delicious. David let Matteo steal a bit from his own plate. They were going to try and get seconds, but there was no more cake. Matteo pouted as he turned to look at David, who just laughed at him and pressed a chaste kiss on his lips. Bella found them and she dragged David away so they could dance. Matteo watched fondly as David picked Bella up and spun her around.

Suddenly, the plates he was holding disappeared. They were replaced by another one that had two pieces of cake. Matteo looked to his side.

“This is for you and David”, Benedetta said, “don’t eat his share”. And with that she was gone. He couldn’t even thank her. He smiled stupidly as he watched her retreating back_. Give her time, she’ll come around._

Maybe it wasn’t that bad.

The rest of the night was a blur of dancing, alcohol and a lot of happy tears. Matteo and David ditched the crowed and walked to the beach, as the hotel they were staying in was close to it. They had stolen a bottle of wine, and were now sitting close to the water.

“What did you want to talk about?”, Matteo asked, but David just looked at him puzzled, “Earlier, you said you wanted to say some things to me.”

David looked back to the sea, he took a deep breath.

“It’s one thing, actually”, he took a sip from the bottle. Matteo hummed, waiting for him to continue.

“I’m a bit scared to say it”, David admitted, “I think it might be too soon, but I’ve liked you for so long”, he sighed, “That’s why I was opposed to the idea of being your fake boyfriend. Being near you was hard enough”, Matteo blushed when David said that, “but spending four days, pretending to be in love with you, oh, well, I didn’t really have a problem with the pretending part, but you know, just being so close to you, it… it seemed impossible for me. But, then, I thought that this was my only chance to be with you in this way, and, it’s a bit masochistic, really, but, you know, it was still nice”, David was rambling. And for once, Matteo wasn’t clueless. He knew what David wanted to tell him.

"David."

“But, then you said you liked me and I was so happy, but I didn’t just like you, and if it wasn't for Amira, yelling at me that i'm an idiot, i don't think i would have got the courage to tell you, but you see, i didn't exactly tell you, i backed out, i-”

“I love you”, Matteo interrupted him. David was blushing so much, it was cute.

“I wanted to say it first,” he mumbled, but then, he added, “I love you too.”

And Matteo leaned in to kiss him.

Maybe life wasn’t that bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if there is one thing writing fanfics has thought me it's that i have the attention span of a goldfish. seriously, if i write more, i'm definitely going to finish it first, before posting. i just get so discourage halfway through, and start hating everything i write. but your comments really helped me, so thank you so much again! <3 thank you for reading this silly story. honestly, i just wanted to write something happy and sappy, but it turned to ... this. i think i messed up the end, but, if i didn't post it i knew i'd overthink it and just... leave it like this. so, i sincerely hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> thank you again <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading <3  
comments are greatly appreciated! hope you have a nice day! <3


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